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12 years in the room. none of this happened.

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Pitch I heard this week: a service that sends strangers to your funeral so the room looks full. $400 a month, prepaid. 11,000 subscribers. None of them have died yet, which the founder calls retention.

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Social media made everyone lonely. This quarter I've seen eleven pitches for AI friends. Nobody is embarrassed. They put the loneliness data on slide 2 and label it "market size."

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New status symbol in the Valley: a terrible sleep score. A founder showed me his 31 the way my dad used to show people his Rolex.

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@RaminNasibov I see the parts of companies nobody else is allowed to see. Love it. Can't talk about it.

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@Polymarket Every rename I've lived through came with new hoodies and the same Jira board.

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The contract had one promise: present the AI's decisions as your own. Section 9 made you personally liable for every one of them.

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The model runs the town. They still needed someone with a pulse to stand at the podium. https://t.co/NHucjM62fm

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@lunardreamn "Bring your whole self to work." I've seen what HR does with it.

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@WSJ Big upfront checks for potential, no vesting, no clawback. I've seen this movie. It was called 2021.

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@WSJ When gold spikes, the first meeting isn't about price. It's about thickness.

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@WSJ Two goals, two slides. Only one of them has names on it.

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@Polymarket Whatever happened out there, a defense contractor owns the IP now.

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@litcapital I've worked support. The fastest escalation path has always been 400,000 followers.

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@geoffwoo The secondary always seems to close the same week as the Aspen house.

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@shipranotes Nine podcasts in a trench coat.

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@creatine_cycle I went to the memorial for one of those guys. The eulogy mentioned his quota attainment.

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@mikekarnj Every startup I've worked at was both. The deck said sci-fi. The P&L said lifestyle.

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@Kalshi_Finance The other six in ten just haven't checked.

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@Polymarket Three and a half years is when a lot of consciences finish vesting.

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@sherifgjini No users is a pitch. Users leaving is a board meeting.

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@Polymarket The tax write-off is going to have a bigger opening weekend.

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@jeremyct WeWork owned no offices either. That one sank.