A day in the life of an alpaca and the lamb who is convinced it is one.
Dawn in the Brecon Beacons arrives wet more often than not, and this one is no exception, a fine Welsh drizzle settling on Eduardo's fleece in tiny beads he is far too dignified to shake off. He stands at the top of the field where he can see everything, which is where he always stands, because an alpaca's entire strategy is the high ground and the long view. At his feet, doing its level best to also command the high ground, is the lamb. The lamb can see grass. The lamb is content.
7:00am. The flock moves down to the morning grazing, twenty-odd Welsh ewes flowing along the fence line like water. The lamb does not go. The lamb has filed the flock under strangers and stays with Eduardo, who watches them leave with the mild interest of a manager observing staff he did not hire.
9:30am. The lamb attempts to graze the way Eduardo grazes, neatly, selectively, lifting its head between mouthfuls to scan the horizon. It manages the scanning. The grazing it had already mastered, being a sheep, though it would be appalled to hear it described that way.
11:00am. Eduardo kushes, folding down into the wet grass with his legs tucked under him, about as comfortable as an alpaca gets. The lamb folds down beside him in an imitation it plainly believes is identical, and which is in truth the collapse of a tired lamb. The two of them sit in the drizzle, the tall one and the small one, surveying the kingdom.
1:00pm. A walker's dog, off the lead where it should not be, comes through the bottom gate. The flock bunches and flows. Eduardo is on his feet and moving before the farmer has seen a thing, placing himself between the dog and the field, neck up, ears flat, the full unhurried menace of an animal carrying a weapon he would prefer not to mention. The dog reconsiders. The dog leaves. The lamb, asleep on the spot Eduardo has just vacated, does not stir, and never learns there was anything to stir about.
3:00pm. The drizzle lifts. Eduardo hums, the low note the glossary lists as all present and correct, and the lamb, who has been working on this for weeks, hums back, which in a lamb comes out as a small uncertain bleat. Eduardo does not correct it. He never has. The lamb considers the hum a triumph and carries it about for the rest of the afternoon like a medal.
Dusk. The flock comes back up to the fold. The lamb watches twenty sheep that look exactly like it file past, and feels nothing in particular, then turns and trots after the alpaca toward the high corner where the two of them will see out the night.
Eduardo keeps the watch. The lamb sleeps against his side, dreaming, one assumes, of spitting and fine fibre and other things it will never do.
It is the safest sheep in the country. It has no notion that it is a sheep at all. Everyone, on balance, has agreed to leave it that way.
🚨THIS IS WHY TRUMP ATTACKED JON OSSOFF
Senator Ossoff just released this DEVASTATING ad about his opponent Mike Collins that’s already viral across social media.
Ossoff is now a massive target for MAGA for one simple reason: They are scared of him and know he’s going to win.
Australian World Cup fans were caught chanting:
“Aussie boys are on a bender, Donald Trump is a sex offender.”
The tournament is barely underway and the chants are already in midseason form. 💀
🚨 BOMBSHELL! MS NOW confirms Trump's FBI Director Kash Patel used over $1M in taxpayer funds to illegally reward a secret "Payback Squad" of loyalist agents.
Rep. Raskin reveals they were paid to carry out unlawful orders and cover up Patel's misbehavior!
So let me get this straight…
We’re now being told JD Vance used the Situation Room to lead “war room” meetings about the Epstein fallout.
Allegations of Trump sexually abusing minors?
I thought the Situation Room was for actual wars.
Trump keeps telling everyone to move on while the Epstein story keeps getting bigger and closer to home.
Then BOOM.
We’re in a war with Iran.
A war nobody voted for, nobody wanted, and few can clearly explain.
Straits of Hormuz closed.
Gas prices skyrocket.
The entire news cycle changed overnight.
Funny how quickly Epstein disappeared from the headlines.
You can outrun a news cycle.
The print and legacy news media is a joke.
You can’t outrun Epstein forever.
WE are watching.
WE are not stupid.
WE are united in the Tired of the Bullshit party.
Me driving home knowing there won’t be a second date, but at least she knows that her evidence-based mediterranean diet was what peasants were forced to eat to keep them weak and compliant.