Hello Lola, I am a Muslim, and our spiritual tradition has a very deep approach to raising children. I want to share some tips from our scholars that will be beneficial to you regardless of your faith.
First of all, our theology teaches the concept of Fitrah. This means that every child is born with a pure heart. At six years old, she is not a criminal mastermind. She does not have a wicked soul.
If she doesn’t have all these, then what is happening? The truth is that she is just lacking impulse control and testing boundaries. By this, if you look at her as a manipulator, you will fight her. However, if you look at her as a pure soul making mistakes, you will be able to guide her.
Secondly, for every problem anyone faces today, it has been solved in history. The only problem is how to locate them.
A classical scholar named Al-Ghazali wrote about child psychology over 900 years ago in his famous book “Ihya Ulum al-Din.” In his section on disciplining children, he gave a practical rule I want you to adopt going forward.
He advised that parents should never push a child into a corner where they are forced to lie. When you ask a question you already know the answer to, her survival instinct kicks in. She cries and she lies to defend herself because she is scared of you. Stop interrogating her. Just look at her and state the fact. Say, I know you took this, and we are going to return it right now.
Again, another scholar and sociologist Ibn Khaldun addressed this exact behavior in his masterpiece titled: “Al-Muqaddimah.” He warned that when a child is raised with harsh punishment, they learn deceit, trickery, and lying to protect themselves. This is why she is covering her tracks and crying to manipulate you. The fear of a harsh reaction is making her a better liar.
Lola, do not attach a label to her. Do not ever call her a thief. If you attack her identity instead of her action, she will internalize it and grow into that dark label. Tell her the action is wrong but protect her dignity.
Make her return the item. Do not fall for the tears. Hold her hand, walk her back to wherever she took it from, and make her hand it back and apologize. The discomfort of returning a stolen item teaches a much better lesson than beating her will ever do.
Finally, I don’t know if you are a Muslim, but never underestimate the power of your own words. In our faith, we believe the prayer of a parent for a child goes straight to God without any barrier. Pray over her. Pray for her heart to be content and for her character to be straight.
Keep doing this consistently and the habit will break.
Allah knows best.
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Don't let anyone pressure you to marry. Marrying early and having kids early, is a very strong and valid argument for getting married early. However, we won't always have what we wish because man proposes but God disposes.
Marrying late does not also mean you will marry right. Be intentional with marrying the right person for you. Many people are not enjoying their marriage but dem don enter. It is also okay if you don't want to marry.
Finance is an important aspect of marriage. As a guy with a job, it is important you marry a woman with a job and pull resources together to foot your bills. Your lives as a couple would be much easier with family values where she sees her income as family income. Don't use pressure to kill yourself. When your father was using N100k to run the family and send you to private school has passed. Even if you're in your days of little beginning or she is, you must marry a woman with the mentality to add to your life and sees her income as family income. The chick that will become a cockerel, you'll know from today.
"I no dey chop woman money" is not a flex. Her paying bills is not you eating her money. It is also her family, of which you're both founders. You take care of bills, she takes care of bills. You'll both keep footing bills with joint resources and be growing till you reach the place of financial freedom together. Where your treasure is, that is where your heart will be. People fight for their investments. She will fight for a home she is invested in, just like you. And yes, eat her money too the way she is eating your money. It is a relationship. Take care of each other and love one another that you sacrifice yourself for each other.
You went to school to acquire knowledge to be able to make money to pay bills. She went to school for the same reason. You were raised in a home to be able to take care of yourself and have sense of personal responsibility. She was raised in a home for same reason. Personal sense of responsibility and family values must be at the top of your criteria in picking a partner.