psychopath

[psychopath @surrender2saz]

Take every little thing you have and cherish it, because sooner rather than later you will destroy it

[psychopath @surrender2saz]

won’t drink lukewarm water but i’ll put another person’s genitals in my mouth

this is like all that matters

[psychopath @surrender2saz]

"Half-assed rim job, pun intended"

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

if ur drunk and nobody will go to mcdonalds with u does anything even matter anymore

[Daniel Howell @danielhowell]

poppy seeds o poppy seeds why dost thou go the fuck everywhere whenever i bite into a bagel

[𝐃𝐀𝐙𝐙𝐀 🇬🇧 @DRC1872]

Canny vote for independence but can vote for a Scottish guy to win the voice👌😂

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

Yes, a “man bun” is just a fucking bun. Hair isn’t gendered. But also, ~men with buns~ is a trend, and “man bun” just describes the fad.

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

rest assured that if we're friends i'll question whether u like me every single day of our friendship until u hate me for real

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

had too much coffee and I'm still tired but at least now I can rip an ancient tree from the ground with my thumbs

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

i saw a craiglist ad once from a guy that was like "u can live in my fancy apartment as long as u let me feed u all ur meals w a baby spoon"

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

why is every water cooler designed to make me bend over you could have made it taller you just wanted to see me fuckin struggle

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

"i cant even remember why i hate that person"

[person i hate says literally anything]

"oh right"

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

[dips bad news in ranch dressing to make it less bad]

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

I hope my neighbors have appreciated hearing the friends theme song every 22 minutes for the past 9 days and also my weeping

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

@Harry_Styles when is the show in my apartment

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

"Did ya'll see the squirrels yesterday?" - a real sentence a Texan just asked us

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

@Harry_Styles thought i saw u at a restaurant last night but it was just a woman holding a wet mop upside down

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

i keep all my gifs in a folder underneath my mattress i don’t trust the banks

[Daniel Howell @danielhowell]

i was just rummaging for batteries in a kitchen drawer and STABBED MY HAND ON A CACTUS WTF @AmazingPhil why did you put that there??

[👼🏼 @troyesivan]

STARTING A RAP CAREER UNDER THE PSEUDONYM 'LIL TROYE'