t

bullshitting my way through life one tweet at a time

[t @taysummerlin]

Brekky is the DoorDash I made my bf order at 2am that I fell asleep for 😂

[t @taysummerlin]

I did this until I got a court summons - now I hop on a payment plan for every one, I don’t need that on my credit

[doomer @uncledoomer]

a few years ago i started throwing every medical bill directly in the trash and there have been literally zero consequences

[t @taysummerlin]

went 5-0 in pong btw 🤭

[t @taysummerlin]

@sitonmysac @_briellexxx Once you work in the industry death becomes a lot more desensitized. There’s such a stigma around it that we actively try to break. But trust me when I first started it felt that way to me too! Then after working with the families you realize it’s a gift from 1 mom to another

[t @taysummerlin]

Dude how am I still this drunk at 9 am LMAO

[Brooke from Let’s Not Date @TheLetsNotDate]

Every family celebrates Father’s Day differently. I celebrate by convincing men the woman that they just sent unsolicited penile photography to is their daughter.

[t @taysummerlin]

@WKBRUTUS Which one??

[t @taysummerlin]

Chilling w my uncle in law that speaks no English, at least I’m pounding beers

[t @taysummerlin]

I can’t take skinny men without guns serious bc how ya gonna protect me 🤨 give me a big boy all day

[t @taysummerlin]

@mayarae11 LMAOOO girl I am weak

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

My buddy who's a firefighter: I've been having a really hard time at work lately

Me (picturing him at the end of a hose that's spraying too strongly and he's flying all over the place and can't get down): that's hilarious

[zoë @zoeweeeemama]

They won’t let me merge they all hate me

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

*little kid in horror movie reveals his morbid crayon drawings of dead bodies*

Me: that's awesome man. Keep at it. Keep working on these things

[g @34rths]

I know kindness is never lost or wasted because Everyone who has ever been kind to me has made me kinder in return

[t @taysummerlin]

@tru_fru

[t @taysummerlin]

Not lying I do this 😭

[seth | sunny 18 @pqdres]

Oomf and I are at a restaurant and the table next to us keeps having conversations very clearly based on what we were talking about a minute prior

[t @taysummerlin]

God gave me a nice rack bc he knows how insufferable I truly can be ♥️

[t @taysummerlin]

Snapchat memories are so fun it’s like hey btw here’s your abuser and you 3 years ago today 😃