jonathan “captain serious” toews

long term covid survivor | 3x Stanley Cup Champion | 2020 dox survivor | Future CPA | former CoC clan leader | retired gringo | pucks in deep | Go Flyers ✈️

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

My boy going through it with his girl right now. But at least he’s $72 richer

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

@trump_nhl Free us from Ku Klux Kyle Mr. President!!

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

First real day of internship:

•Forgot my key card
•Only in-person member of my team
•Manager ghosted my message asking how to do the work they sent me
•Got smoked in ping pong during lunch
•Only person that seems to be watching the World Cup game
•4 pm happy hour

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

@trump_nhl Mr. President, you must help liberate Chicago from Baffling Blashill and the woke mind virus in order to make the Blackhawks great again!

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

@RollTideSaban11 Great question Pete. Gonna have to go with the latter here #whiteboysummer

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

@trump_nhl President Trump, how do you feel about the Canefederacy?

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

Big Yahu made me fail my accounting exam

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

#expand

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

Thanks ESPN I really wanna see the Stars game while I’m sweating Penguins ml

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

Spent my last $50 on a plan b for some chick I met for the first time last night

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

Give Frank Nazar a statue

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

The captain has been posted on the tea app

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

Snorted so much adderall I got a bloody nose

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

Used to pray for times like this

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

@baquan14 Why the fuck are you using clear tape

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

@RollTideSaban11 Woah Pete! Save some girls for the rest of us!!!

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

Drinking milk elevated at the function #expand

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

@matt1d12 @propsdotcash You’re a fucking idiot

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

The communists gave me a black eye and 14 stitches (I jumped down a flight of stairs)

[jonathan “captain serious” toews @tazer69420]

Threw $100 on my ex gfs college football team under on wins