Entitled Tech Worker

just an ordinary worker trying to make it through a tough world. submissions welcome: [email protected]

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

our new reception area is really instagrammable

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

the wifi in the meditation room sucks

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

sure the lattes here are free but they aren't made with third wave coffee

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

they forgot to fluff up the break room bean bags again

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

sure my total compensation is 10x the average american income, but perks are still a necessary additional compensation for my labor

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

our free snacks aren't individually packaged so it's hard to take them home

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

today i learned that some people live in palo alto

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

i would love to move to a bigger city like NYC or LA, but i don't think there are any tech companies there

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

my parents keep telling me to open a 401k now that i’m turning 30, but i feel like they haven’t heard of ethereum

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

to paraphrase my VP of engineering: “if you tweet about our company from this account, you will be fired”

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

to paraphrase theodor herzl: “if you can buy 5000 fake github stars on your open source repo, it is no dream”

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

to paraphrase the great rabbi akiva: "if i will not clap on my own medium blog post 50 times, who will clap for me? and if not now, when?"

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

now that weed isn't an illegal drug, is it still covered under our "drugs and alcohol at work" policy?

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

i feel really bad for my friends who don't have all of their meals catered by their company. i'd be so embarrassed to have to ask my mom to make all my food for me again

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

after years of struggling to convince management to rewrite everything as microservices, we've instead refocused on making our monolith just as bad as microservices

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

i'm going to quit my job and follow my dreams any day now, just as soon as i have any dreams at all whatsoever

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

bombing your FANG interview isn't proven to cause dying alone, but it is strongly correlative

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

how to be a thought leader in two easy steps:
1️⃣ emoji as bullet points 🎉
2️⃣ link to your own tweets at least five times in every medium post, email, slack convo, tinder message 🎉

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

i'm proud to announce i've migrated production 50% to kubernetes, mostly so i can leave this place and get a job at google cloud

[Entitled Tech Worker @techemployee]

if you don't use a password manager, 2FA, full disk encryption, a private VPN, the tor browser, cyryptocurrencies supporting zsnarks, a faraday cage surrounding your home, and CPUs made by AMD, you DESERVE to have your identity stolen