Karissa

I have hardly any followers but I’m like, really funny guys.

[Karissa @texseatex]

I’m sorry for sending you so many memes and reels today. I’m avoiding doing my job.

[Karissa @texseatex]

“I can’t think about that right now”
-Me about quite literally everything

[Karissa @texseatex]

@Target stock more Lg and XL in everything. Men’s and Women’s section. Three stores in two states. They’re always gone.

[Karissa @texseatex]

Hey @amazon this sucks. The #PinkTax is whack.

[Karissa @texseatex]

Tomato names need to chill TF out. They be like Sugar Bombs, Angel Sweet Drips, Champagne Jizz, Wild Heavenly Honey Lickers.

[Karissa @texseatex]

@DessauMS @RexChapman @OZ Pocket tweet?

[Karissa @texseatex]

Make Texas for steers and queers again 🌈 🐄

[Karissa @texseatex]

No no. She has a point.

[JoAnn 🐾 Trump calls me the Enemy within. @JoGonx]

Maybe we should call mass shootings late-term abortions, and the goddamn gun freaks might care. Probably not, bc nothing is as important as GUNS, GUNS, GUNS. End the gun violence. Sick freaks! Take your prayers and shove them up your ass with your bloody hands. #Uvalde

[Aria123 @Aria12397017484]

The 2nd amendment was passed in the 1700s. It's 2022. Fuck guns, fuck u and ur guns. Fuck your right to bare arms. Fuck the 2nd amendment. It's outdated. #Uvalde #2ndAmendment

[Karissa @texseatex]

Dear Nest,
I don’t care what it costs. I want my house at 74° at all times. Please stop scheduling me for 68° or 78° when I’m not looking.
Thank you.

[Karissa @texseatex]

@adriangibbs_ https://t.co/iM8sG8ynff

[kristen @__kristenalyssa]

Called my MIL to make sure she was okay because a tornado touched down right by her house and she was on the way to get pizza 😂 Texans don’t be taking nothing seriously 😩

[Karissa @texseatex]

@BrotherKMack @EvilMopacATX @KXAN_Weather And y’all are fine?

[Evil MoPac @EvilMopacATX]

Amazing @KXAN_Weather video of on the ground tornado crossing I-35 in Round Rock @ 45 just north of Austin

[Karissa @texseatex]

All I want in life is for someone to photograph me in the dying sunlight of a diner and my day-old makeup somehow look brooding and effortless.

[Blake Lively @blakelively]

Well, at least it’s not a celebrity alcohol? Meet @BettyBuzz mixers

[Karissa @texseatex]

I just paid for the kids' summer camp, and youth sports because the best parts of having kids is when other people are watching them away from my house. Also I now have $12 left.

[John Fugelsang @JohnFugelsang]

Here's the full exchange. This actually happened.
She worked in the Bush and the Trump White House.

[Karissa @texseatex]

Austin: We desperately need more affordable single-family homes, there’s not nearly enough houses to go around! There’s so much empty land. The American Dream
Builders: Ooh you’re right I SHOULD make another luxury apartment building!
Other builder: I can throw in a storage unit!

[Karissa @texseatex]

If you oppose abortion as well as welfare, it's because you saw potential in the unborn, but none in the poor.

[Karissa @texseatex]

Still true. Leemee alone. I want to insert my plastic rectangle with my hands like a caveman.

[Karissa @texseatex]

Dear @Apple,
I do not want to set up Apple Pay.
I would not want it with some hay.
I would not could not with some lard.
I will not enter my credit card.
#ios11
#badpoetry
#stopbuggingme