bean

make me a sandwich she/her/hers

[Jay @idek_tb]

Mom: “Don’t wind the dog up”

Me:

[one of ur hoes @miliondollameat]

every single one of my friends will get a bone from my skeleton when i die

[bean @thebeanvirgin]

just because I have frequent diarrhea does not mean I am not classy ok

[bean @thebeanvirgin]

me trying to stay warm on my frontier flight

[Charlie James @malecowgirl]

i want to get really good at skateboarding but i don’t want anyone to see me practice even one time

[Lucas @illiterate_ish]

Going on a reverse mission trip.. headed to Utah to teach people the joys of sinning

[bean @thebeanvirgin]

so I get defensive about oatmeal, sue me!!

[Indy @IndecisiveJones]

me:

the pirate i kicked in the crotch:

[bean @thebeanvirgin]

I love public transportation sm - it’s 6am and I’m talking to a stranger about a portal that leads to Switzerland

[Bishop Talbert Swan @TalbertSwan]

His name is Jayland Walker. ⁣
⁣
8 Akron Ohio cops fired 90 bullets at him, hitting him 60 times throughout hie entire body.
⁣
The cops pulled him over for a TRAFFIC VIOLATION.

He was 25.

He was a @doordash driver.

HE WAS UNARMED.

HE WAS MURDERED.

#JaylandWalker

[UnLucky Trashcan𖤐 @EthanOpia_]

Treating myself tonight

[Alderwoman Jeanette Taylor @taylorfor20th]

I first applied for an affordable housing voucher in 1993.

I finally got a call back in 2004 to tell me my son who just graduated high school couldn’t be on my lease.

Today in 2022 I finally got a letter telling me I made it to the top of the waiting list. I have no words.

[Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez @AOC]

Aren’t you slated to headline a speaking gig for the NRA in three days - in Houston, no less?

You can do more than pray. Faith without works is dead.

[$𝔩𝔞𝔭☃️ @slvppy]

i can understand why chickens wake up and scream

[@jxf.me (Bluesky) / [email protected] (Mastodon) @jxxf]

Optimist: The glass is ½ full.
Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty.
Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

[Vinny Thomas @vinn_ayy]

The JC in JCPenny’s is for Jesus Christ

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

“An update is available! Would you like to install it now?” Go to hell. I’d rather die