Chris Johnson

I’m an influencer with very little influence.

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

@RitaPanahi Weird. You'd think Tim Cook would be able to afford a private jet.

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

Hey @Optus, when are you going to roll out RCS support so I can receive messages using technology from the 21st century from iPhones on my fancy new $3000 Samsung?
SMS messaging from the 1980s is such a drag.

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

@GadSaad That's already happened, Gadfather.

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

Switched to a Samsung after always using an iPhone, and after a week, I can definitively say, notifications on Android suck! Random beeps and vibrations, missing numbers on icons, banners disappearing ...
(And yes, I have all notifications turned on.)

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

@creepydotorg This fella looks like his name is Roy, and he’s just about head off to catch up with the lads at the local pub for a pint after a hard day of working in the door factory.

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

Yeah, right. Sure you do …

[Barack Obama @BarackObama]

Earlier this week, Michelle and I called our friend @KamalaHarris. We told her we think she’ll make a fantastic President of the United States, and that she has our full support. At this critical moment for our country, we’re going to do everything we can to make sure she wins in November. We hope you’ll join us.

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but Home Improvement had the coolest theme song of any TV show ever.

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

Saw a funny comment on a news article. Somebody had written,
“@realDonaldTrump gets shot in the head and still manages to make a better stage exit than Joe Biden.” 😂

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

Trump’s already won the presidency.
The election is just a formality at this point.

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

Hey, media outlets.
Every time you think about posting a story about the scumbag weakling who did this, reconsider and post a story about this guy instead.

https://t.co/cpLeK307Gp

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

@GadSaad For a second there I was really excited to see Larry King back from the dead.

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

@ellymelly Ah, Malcolm Turnbull. The best prime minister the Labor Party never had … 🙄

[Sarah Fields @SarahisCensored]

This is why I homeschool and why I make sacrifices to pay for a private family practitioner.

The world has lost its mind. I’m sharing his video here because I already know his video will be taken down on Tiktok.

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

@SarahisCensored This man is a legend

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

Wow, Bill Hader cleans up pretty good …
#MissUniverse

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

@ianmiles I thought Meatloaf died …

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

@AnthonyBass52 @united Why didn’t you clean it up, then?

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

@jordanbpeterson This man is horrifying. The look in the eyes.
Sends a shiver down the spine.

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

@SydneyLWatson Dude even sounds exactly like Trey Parker’s future parody of him 😂

[Chris Johnson @thecaptainlaw]

Tweeting from a web browser for the first time in years.