Dennis Grayson

"I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to ABSOLUTELY NO ONE!"
-Mahatma Gandhi

Namaste, bitches.

(Available for children's parties.)

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

My book is now available on Amazon.
Check it out!

https://t.co/xWWLeafLe8

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@ThatEricAlper "220... 221... Whatever it takes."

-Mr. Mom (1983)

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@PlsinTN @Borge_Baldwin Don't get me wrong. I don't like the Indian owned gas stations either. But at those I can piss directly on the gas pump and nobody says a word.

Also, you GTFOH you humorless dweeb.

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@MoMohler https://t.co/In9JiQdgtS

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@SoapBoxMox @HawkEmDownChris @DudekBrian You guessed it. Frank Stallone.

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@GigglingGanon Just fyi, cops are allowed to lie.

Frazier v. Cupp (1969)
U.S.S.C.

See for yourself...
https://t.co/Vn3e1DnfcB

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@ThatEricAlper Van Halen's version of 'Happy Trails'.

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@ThatEricAlper That all the information I was given and all the rules I was told to play by turned out to be complete bullshit. I should have started doing whatever the fuck I wanted way sooner.

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@ChaosLensX These are the kind of cops that make me not sad when I hear that a cop got greased.

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@MoMohler That show is way less funny once you quit smoking weed.

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@erininatlantaa Yeah.
Not gonna happen.

I'll find out who won in the morning.

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@Super70sSports Steve McQueen lost like nine hub caps during that chase scene, and it's still a better movie than any of the Fast & Furious movies.

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

Nevermind. I figured my shit out. All Good.
👍

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

Father's Day Dilemma:

I'm already hammered and I need to go get more beer, but that would require finding and putting on pants, and also driving. What should I do?

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@TheExtremeMusi1 I went to a Warhammer show and this green dude came out and played saxaphone.

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@jonnyrmitch It kills me to say it because I'm a big John Lennon/Beatles fan, but 'Imagine'.

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@deadwronghist What a douche.

"Ooh, look at me. I'm edgy. I'm contrarian."

Their music sucks and they put out one album. Big deal. Never understood the appeal.

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@JackKel19462997 In my defense, the song did say 'For a good time call'.

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@ThrillaRilla369 Forget 'over six feet tall', ladies.

Start making a triple-digit I.Q. a requirement.

[Dennis Grayson @thedgrayson]

@Bob_Janke When I graduated high school, I weighed exactly half of what I weigh now.