Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp

Midlife crisis actor, reverend doctor, bartender, writer, musician. Not about to quit my night job. (he/him/mom)

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

The @EvergreenReview was nice enough to ask what kind of pandemic it's been, so here's how it was for one Brooklyn bartender whose bar was only closed for one day: https://t.co/2wagH58yvf

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

I don't get it: companies and investors are pouring billions into AI when, for $25k, they can read about me bartending on a cross country road trip. Even I have a better track record than AI.

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

@FanSince09 Arsenal because they were absolutely shit until I was an adult, just like the Eagles GO BIRDS

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

I know JUST the building, it's just a little further north than they're looking.

[The New York Times @nytimes]

The A.I. company Anthropic is expanding in New York City, with plans to lease a 16-story building in Lower Manhattan. https://t.co/M8fZnFlnk2

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

@TheAthleticFC This aged like milk

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

Congratulations to everyone on the SpaceX IPO, you have proven to the world you believe a man will make Mars liveable when he can't be bothered to do the same at home.

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

If you're want to know what 1,000 words I said about watching sports in bars preceded this aside, follow me at https://t.co/kRZgDBLwrh

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

He's the richest man on Earth, in all of history, and he wants the only thing his money can't buy. He will die deeply unfunny and profoundly lacking charm.

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

Any time you feel imposter syndrome creeping up on you, remember that @bariweiss is the head of CBS News and is basically killing 60 Minutes like it's a cactus she can't be bothered to water once a century.

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

He's so desperate to be liked, but only as a funny guy. He's desperately not funny, but if he ended world hunger, there would be statues of him on every corner of the Earth. He doesn't care about improving people's lives that way, he only wants to be funny.

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

Elon Musk is worth a trillion dollars. When he was a lowly billionaire, he was given a plan by the UN to end world hunger for $4 billion. Instead, he bought Twitter for $44 billion. He could now solve world hunger and still be back to a trillion dollars in no time, but he won't.

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

You know what would give every member of the military unfettered access to the healthcare they need? Universal healthcare. Make it a part of DOD. Nothing defends the United States more than having healthcare

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

Let's give @rianjohnson a rest: the next two Knives Out mysteries should be Deathtrap and Sleuth

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

First of all, being at all into a president is deeply weird. Second, a fat old rich kid? Growing up, we all revived the kids whose parents made maybe 10k/year more than ours

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

It's wild that billionaires are trying to extend their lives in any way possible, except the only way that would work: keeping the rest of us from wanting them dead.

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

Baseball is back, time for my only sports opinion: all Philly fans are monsters, we should be, and almost are, represented entirely by monsters: the Phanatic, @GrittyNHL, Phang, Swoop. One team is missing: the Sixers. BRING BACK BIG SHOT.

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

@Nigel_Farage Cool. Hey, have you ever considered just shutting the fuck up?

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

Very excited to finally get universal healthcare because there's no other way to deal with the catastrophic rise in Boomers with broke children needing hospice care no one can afford

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

@BeckyLTuch @nytimes Love is indistinguishable from AI slop

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

It's going to be hard, but once every person born before 1950 is dead, the world is going to heal rapidly.

[Patri̶c̶k̶ Hipp @thehipp]

Hey @Sen_JoeManchin, you cartoon of a politician, the "soul" of the Senate is deeply anti-democratic representation, and the filibuster is its Jim Crow. Let democracy reign supreme, not dumb country club rules.