whoops! it’s me, JKR

I’m usually pretty worried about my glasses. (“playwright”)

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

Hey Twitter,

lol

send tweet

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

Like why are you blaming me for not being home when I was in fact home and watching you with my two dumb customer eyeballs?

And also how can you not leave it at a location in New York City? There are so many.

What is happening? Am I castaway? Am I Wilson?

I just want my socks.

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

Hey Twitter,

Just watched my @FedEx driver pass my apartment, not attempt a delivery, and then say I wasn’t home. Cool. I waved.

When I called and requested them to leave it at a location they said “that’s not available.”

So I guess what I’m saying is FedEx is bad.

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

@ilysmtihmh I TOO AM PHOEBE AND FEEL SO SEEN
LET US TOP SHEET PEOPLE LIVE

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

@harrisondehay I would do a lot of things for a script alt

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

@manadurphy BRO.

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

@ummm_r Sounds like I’m hitting three birds with one delicious stone

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

@ummm_r @manadurphy What a lovely stroll down memory lane this is.

Too bad I’m constantly having to pull up my shorts and tripping over my flip flops.

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

@manadurphy Steal his peak pop punk look:

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

@manadurphy

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

Hey Twitter,

For
Five of the last
Six days
I have arrived to an underground
And sat in a pink plastic chair
And waited to be moved.

I have always been moved.

I really love this chair.

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

Hey Twitter,

For my birthday nyc put me on the Mets themed 7 train.

These Mets lost the wild card round.

Go @Braves

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

Hey Twitter,

Today I sliced
my finger
unpacking a cheese grater

Parmesan

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

Hey Twitter,

Trying to
believe in you
is actually pretty easy

Wanting to
engage with you
is actually pretty easy

doing either?
not so much

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

Hey Twitter,

I love being a @braves fan in New York. On the train Mets fans won’t make eye contact because they know @BlooperBraves has got them numbers.

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

@Lynnbrooklyn I have not stopped thinking about this since I read it.

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

Hey Twitter,

The amount of pickles in my fridge right now is honestly

ideal.

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

Hey Twitter,

I’m currently applying for this position if anyone wants to write me a letter of recommendation.

[Jon Bois @jon_bois]

baseball should have a tenth position on the field called the team historian. his job is to just know interesting facts about the team. he can stand anywhere and doesn’t have to field, but he’s allowed to bring food and drinks with him and is paid far more than the other players

[whoops! it’s me, JKR @thejacobshow]

Hey Twitter,

Just accidentally made the perfect scrambled egg 🤴🏼