Jake

[Jake @thejakeisms]

You're turning 33? You're almost old enough for a good old fashioned crucifixion!

[Jake @thejakeisms]

I had incredible leg strength when I was in sixth grade.

[Jake @thejakeisms]

I just feel like people shouldn't see each other's feet.

[Jake @thejakeisms]

I feel like you've always had a funky foot tan.

[Jake @thejakeisms]

You have an interesting belly button.

[Mindy Pierett @mind_uh_lyn]

Jake: I don’t like to pray for myself because I don’t want God to think I’m selfish. Ben: don’t worry, God already knows you’re selfish. @thejakeisms

[Jake @thejakeisms]

I hate being sniffed.

[Jake @thejakeisms]

I remember the first basket I ever made, I was in kindergarten.

[Jake @thejakeisms]

Can you imagine a field full of drunk cows?

[Jake @thejakeisms]

I wanted to say something, but then i didn't want to, so then I didn't.

[Jake @thejakeisms]

Jake: 'how do you think i look in stripes' Austin: 'you look like you're in jail' Jake: 'that's funny because i feel trapped inside'

[Jake @thejakeisms]

Do you think they eat meat in heaven?

[Jake @thejakeisms]

Why do we salivate at the thought of eating another animal's flesh?

[Jake @thejakeisms]

You wouldn't think mayonnaise on a pretzel would be as good as it is, but it is.

[Jake @thejakeisms]

While playing Mario... "I wonder if plumbers in Italy actually wear hats like that."

[Jake @thejakeisms]

What if I throw up? You gotta think it out, what would be the best day to throw up?

[Jake @thejakeisms]

Did you notice @TacoBell doesn't have sporks anymore?

[Jake @thejakeisms]

I consider the face and the skull to be the same thing.

[Jake @thejakeisms]

Why is that scary? I would trust anyone in my hands.

[Jake @thejakeisms]

I wonder... How much is a rent a puppy program?