Jared Jackson

the guy who leaves the lights on in your house

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

@marcmaron

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

Believe in yourself, unless you're imaginary.

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

A piggy back ride is often considered the 6th Element.

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

On a number of occasions in a social event my father has introduced me merely as his friend.

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

Had a dream I talked to Jeff Bridges and Kevin Costner on becoming irrelevant, it was obvious we were only talking about Kevin.

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

Please don't "should" yourself.

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

Turns out I have stage four hypochondria.

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

Just remember if you don't lose your shit then you become emotionally constipated and nobody wants that

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

I don't know how to satisfy a woman because she keeps wanting to do it all over again.

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

According to a website I was conceived while "sad eyes" by Robert John played prominently on the radio just before my father's condom broke

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

I'm losing the illogical argument as to why I should not be drinking rum right now...

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

When someone says they don't like me, I shake their hand, because the enemy of my own enemy is my friend.

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

I often find myself writing Christian gospel music in my spare time.

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

@sharonstone thanks for coming out to Rawhide today!!

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

What sucks about being single is when your dick says, You again? Fine lets get this over with... But I have to pee first. #alone

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

Just wrote a new script and now I religiously check email for a review from the boss. #anxiety

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

“@WomensHumor: Cute only goes so far. Tall is forever. #LifeLessons” sums up all my assumptions and insecurities

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

@_dronepilot Markus Arelious!!! I love you man!!! Yeah I'm rarely on twitter but I will be now

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

@MattBesser loved your latest podcast! I learned a lot about improv. Hope you record more!

[Jared Jackson @thejaredjackson]

Benefits of being single: you can eat Burger King for breakfast, lunch and dinner and nobody cares that you exploded the toilet.