Jared Schwartz

what’s up y’all tryna chill?

[Jared Schwartz @thekidjared]

We’re not ready for broadcaster LeBron. The lies he’s gonna be spewing will be ungodly 😂

[Legion Hoops @LegionHoops]

“You trying to tell me Giannis wouldn't be able to play an NBA game in the 70’s? Giannis would have 250 points in a game in the 70’s.”

— LeBron James

(via @PatMcAfeeShow, h/t @ohnohedidnt24)

[Jared Schwartz @thekidjared]

If I don’t know a guy for the job then I got a guy who knows a guy for the job

[Jared Schwartz @thekidjared]

On the day I take off, takeoff takes off. Damn. RIP

[Jared Schwartz @thekidjared]

Wow can’t believe I promoted on here about the Adult Swim YouTube Smalls series I was in on. All 3 episodes are available to watch. https://t.co/Pt3zJmvX76

[Jared Schwartz @thekidjared]

Are you connecting?

[Jared Schwartz @thekidjared]

I enjoy walking down a crowded street with my girlfriend and seeing dudes visibly confused

[Joe Pompliano @JoePompliano]

Only an idiot would get between Joey Chestnut and a hot dog on July 4th

[Jared Schwartz @thekidjared]

If your freezer isn’t a Jenga and or Tetris game your life is boring

[Jared Schwartz @thekidjared]

One of the best to do it

[Jamar Malachi Neighbors @JamarMalachi]

Here’s a picture of me doing stand up comedy.

[Jared Schwartz @thekidjared]

I want Kanye’s author era already

[Jared Schwartz @thekidjared]

@thegoztweets Facts cuz

[Lil Sasquatch @lilsasquatch66]

Im going to be in Brooklyn and DC for some shows in June. Come hangout. It will be a good time. https://t.co/86RRR6tmvn

[Jared Schwartz @thekidjared]

I added finishing chapsticks to my resume

[Jared Schwartz @thekidjared]

@mommasboycomedy has a new location but still the same hot lineups. Come chill https://t.co/rbpocnRWai

[Lil Sasquatch @lilsasquatch66]

Pretty crazy draft night. Didn’t see this coming, thank you.

[The Stand NYC @TheStandNYC]

Tonight 7:00PM

HUMP DAY TREAT

@katbelinfante @hansdickie @emilwakim Christiana Jackson @thekidjared @DSGermain

🎟️🎟️🎟️

https://t.co/iBlTZtCPlR

[Jared Schwartz @thekidjared]

@JaviLovesYou Thanks dude! I’m not ready for my own pod just yet but stick around for what I got in store

[The Stand NYC @TheStandNYC]

Tonight 7:00PM

MOMMA'S BOY

@thekidjared @IANfidance @kfreehams @directordaddyy @A_ronson @kylemara_ @FranqiFrench

🎟️🎟️🎟️

https://t.co/zFED8HMhpo

[thatsfunny @thatsfunny]

heyNY @TheStandNYC 7pm tonight @thekidjared @KFreehams @ianimal69 8pm @ComedianCP @michaelkosta @LaughingVlad @ComicMikeV @aaronbergcomedy & more

[Dan Carney @DanManCarney]

Elon Musk put a chip in my brain