꒰ა☕໒꒱

‹ well my parents said if i work hard, i can have anything i want, and i work hard and want to be happy, but i don't think those two things are synonymous ›

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

╰┈➤ pinned / #edrtwt

✠———✠———✠ ✠———✠———✠

   ᨒ nikita, 23
   ᨒ tmasc, he/they
   ᨒ russian
   ᨒ alcoholic
   ᨒ pro recov

› relapsed
› vent acc kinda
› minors dni, it's not for you it's for me

cw below ⤵

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

kind of debating having breakfast today too because i feel weak as fuck and my body still hurts but then ill be eating four days in a row and i don't like the sound of it

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

now, next time let's do everything the same but without freaking out and falling into a suicidal spiral

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

well that worked actually

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

so yeah now we have a 600c breakfast omad and im going to take lax when im home and hope it'll all go away

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

@venous999 i won't i just really wish 😔

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

i wish i could kill myself

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

girl you did this

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

incredible how for the entire first month since ive been home my mother was telling me that i should lose weight anytime i complained about my body hurting and now when i am losing weight she doesn't like it

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

i just want my brain to stop working

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

and what if i get drunk and take zoloft as my friday after wok activity

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

@icanteatgummies the colour is so pretty omg

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

@venous999 if it's about the vlog then yes definitely. like me personally i think they're fun even if nothing's happening but that might be because im a nosy fuck and love people watching

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

@venous999 this looks so good, was it nice?

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

i hate being so weak i hate my body for not working properly and smallest things that bring me unmeasurable levels of discomfort and i hate that i can't do anything about it

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

it's humbling to see people averaging at least 10k steps a day and exercise purging when i have to kneel to clean my cat's litter box and celebrate being able to stand the entire half hour bus drive

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

it's humbling to see people averaging at least 10k steps a day and exercise purging when i have to kneel to clean my cat's litter box and celebrate being able to stand the entire half hour bus drive

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

i had ciabatta sandwich with ham, pickles and mustard sauce and a raspberry yogurt and tbh it was good i wish i wasn't in pain though

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

so yeah now we have a 600c breakfast omad and im going to take lax when im home and hope it'll all go away

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

and i was like hey upping my intake for like a day might help so here i am having 600c breakfast because i panicked and im in pain and sick now that i finished it and then i realized that what ive lost since yesterday actually isn't little at all, it's just less than last week

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

and i was like hey upping my intake for like a day might help so here i am having 600c breakfast because i panicked and im in pain and sick now that i finished it and then i realized that what ive lost since yesterday actually isn't little at all, it's just less than last week

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

you see what happened is that i weighed myself today and thought hm ive lost very little that's not enough. so i got anxious about that and started wondering should that be. it all ended up with me in a spiral where im trying desperately to find anything that would help

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

god i am so dumb

[꒰ა☕໒꒱ @thelastmackerel]

god i am so dumb