HerdofSheep

The News Shepherd for News Sheep. Pulling wool from eyes. Back after a long break. Satirical. At least not true. Except in a deeper, but not factual sense.

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

@MrHarryCole Always get a double negative into important health announcements, just the ticket.

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

@DPJHodges @mattzarb @AyoCaesar 'you're just striking a position for the sake of it now'. Sir, we applaud this monumental slaying of irony.

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

@richardosman Sadly our Comms manager was unable to submit his manuscript 'How an international crime syndicate was foiled by the feint but unmistakeable scent of an MP's fart' in time.

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

LONDON: Gove and Cummings to go on fact-finding mission to Monte Carlo to see how simulations are done in the seaside principality.

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

Herdofsheep management: announcing that the news desk will soon be moving onto the blockchain, colour to be announced shortly. [Sorry, that one was stolen].

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

Don't have a giant, all-seeing AI? How naive can you get. This is why people need the news shepherd.

[Natalie Bennett @natalieben]

Unfortunately we don't have a giant, all-seeing AI to fix the world, but if you want to read about one operating in worlds very like our own (but already somewhat improved) recommended weekend reading from @GreatDismal

https://t.co/XJP7cf8fU4

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

LONDON - Dept of Health reporting that new infections of the Brexit virus are down for the first time since 2016. Handwashing and limited travel still recommended for now.

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

We are hearing that the Remainer revolution has started with the resignation of Sir Phillip Putnam and that in a few months order, reason and rationality will prevail.

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

HoS editors would like to present the first GE19 spot what is misssing from this list competition.

[Diane Abbott @HackneyAbbott]

Vote to end austerity.

Vote to tackle climate change.

Vote to properly fund our public services.

Vote for the many, not the few.

Vote @UKLabour.

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

@Kinsellas @peterjukes Yes, we have, and the answer is about 6.5

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

Evergreen tweet.

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

We at Herdofsheep would also like to notify @jeremycorbyn that we will not be standing at the coming General Election.

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

HoS legal correspondent brings this report - courts deliberating on case of 200kg man insisting on right to self identify as a paperclip.

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

Unanimous vote amongst HoS staffers to retweet this one.

[Matt Zarb-Cousin @mattzarb]

Mr Corbyn you have made it impossible for me, a man who wanted to hold talks with ISIS and once claimed to have a 29 inch penis, to stand as a Labour candidate

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

Well.

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

Get behind Kier's stance on Brexit of '???%%%%*****&((!!!!'

[Keir Starmer @Keir_Starmer]

Make your voice heard by registering to vote: https://t.co/LNgJpqQyKk

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

@piersmorgan Ah yes, like the one you held on your tenure on morning TV.

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

Stephen we think the election is going to be about that other thing that you have unpopular views on in your party.

[Stephen Kinnock @SKinnock]

It's on. #GE2019 is a golden opportunity to oust this incompetent Tory shower.

Over 9 yrs they've overseen public debt rising while public services are slashed & families' pockets are hit.

Austerity doesn't work. Next govt must invest in Britain & grow our economy everywhere.

[No 10 Source @No10Source1]

@thenewsshepherd At the 30 173rd of October.

[HerdofSheep @thenewsshepherd]

Top tweet here, 3 months before Carney in fact will go.