Colleen

I like pizza. I do science. definitely a princess.

[Naw McNopington @BreadMilkButter]

Yooo they got powerwalking competitions for kids!?! I’m in tears.

[SpongeBob @SpongeBob]

Reply to this tweet with the most underrated SpongeBob character

[Colleen @therealcolleeen]

*at the library*
2: awww the baby is cwyin’.
Me: aww, why is the baby crying?
2: because the mommy is kiwwin it
Me: the mommy is WHAT?
2: the mommy is kawwyin’ it!

[Colleen @therealcolleeen]

2: hey look! *has balloon nub in miuth*
Me: ummm, that’s way too silly. What’s going on, silly monkey?
2: I’m not a monkey!!!! I’m a duck!!! Quack quack quack HAHAHAHA

[Colleen @therealcolleeen]

*playing with scented playdoh*

*hears smacking noise and “BLECH!”*

to 2 year old: are you EATING playdoh?
2: yeah. it tastes awful.

[Colleen @therealcolleeen]

“4: can’t eat both blueberries and ice cream in separate bowls. I guess I’ll just do it the old fashioned way *wiggles eyebrows*
*tosses blueberries in with ice cream*

[Colleen @therealcolleeen]

*swats one fly*
Me: I’m the Fly Swatter! *swats 5 flies in a row* these flies are so scared of me.
4: why are they scared?
Me: I swatted their family.
4: ....orrrrrrr maybe it’s because we put on bug spray.

[Colleen @therealcolleeen]

*driving to Wegmans*
Me: VAZOOOMMMMMM!!!!! (as we turn the corner to park)
4: hahahahaha oh man. Sometimes you really crack me up, Colleen.

[Colleen @therealcolleeen]

*walks in and sits next to 4*
*15 minutes passes while 4 watched Octonauts and I’m speaking out loud with 2, having full discussions*
*episode ends*
*4 jumps and yells* “Colleen!!!! When did you come in? I didn’t know you were here!!!”

[Colleen @therealcolleeen]

no this is my peak. A playdoh slide!!!

[Colleen @therealcolleeen]

I peaked with my artistic abilities today

[Colleen @therealcolleeen]

I forgot how much everyone wanted to be a rockstar until the 4 year old asked me for a list of rhymes so she could start writing songs for her future as a rockstar

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Wife: *putting on makeup*

4-year-old: Is that your Halloween costume?

Wife: What?

4: You look like an angel.

I need to take notes.

[Colleen @therealcolleeen]

well that's ironic. https://t.co/pdHqtF9uHl

[News10NBC @news10nbc]

Ford recalls 680,000 cars; seat belts may not hold in crash https://t.co/DEvY8B63D9

[Barack Obama @BarackObama]

No one's too wrapped up in pre-existing conditions to #GetCovered.
Thanks to Obamacare, you can find a plan that meets your needs.

[Colleen @therealcolleeen]

I passed a couple walking with a stroller: Dad was on the phone holding mom's hand.Aww. I turned to look at the cute baby, there was no baby