Softball Guy

Better at softball than you are at anything. Can't decide which is more pathetic, guys who play in Co-Ed leagues or guys who play baseball.

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

@JoshPateCFB Maybe time you stepped out of the kiddie league, meat. Someone tosses a cookie like that when I’m at the dish and I could mash it 400’ with a garden hose.

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

700? I think I might have topped that in my Tuesday night league last season. But I didn’t do it for the standing ovations, I did it because I love the grind. And because I’m better than everyone else.

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

Is this heaven?

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

@JOEL9ONE Mash. Don’t wear sleeves. Busch beer is a PED. Walks are for pussies. It’s not your fault if one of your piss rockets shatters a windshield or a tibia.

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

@stoolpresidente Decent cut but you need a lot more torque if you want to truly mash nukes like the big boys. A little creatine and Busch beer shake would numb up that shoulder. Hit me up for the recipe.

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

@SLLKC Haven’t seen him. Don’t watch much baseball because I’m too busy mashing dongs.

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

Sorry, sometimes I need to humble these young bucks. But when you throw a big fat potato, I’m gonna mash. Nothing to be ashamed of other than seeing how far down the totem pole you are from the elite level players.

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

Looks cool but you light my carbon Mutant on fire and I’m wrapping it around your skull. When I rake, it’s the ball that’s usually in flames.

[Mike Camerlengo @MCamerlengo]

I’m gonna need the firebat in the home run derby

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

Listen, I may be such a dominant force that it makes you believe I’m a supernatural softball-mashing deity, but please don’t call me God. I’m too humble. And three beers? I’m three beers deep before I button up my sliding pants.

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

@TheSportsHernia I think this turd plays in my Tuesday night elite league

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

@MattSebek Does that mean you’re the guy I need to talk to about getting these turds to stop calling the soccer field a pitch? It’s a field. Everyone knows that a pitch is what I mash all the way to Pluto.

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

@bigjohn2369 @DanODonnellShow @Deadspin And the Super Bowl

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

@HHReynolds @jbacott @Gatorade @StopHamelTime @bunch @MattSebek You all know that the only drink I pounded after chowing on pitchers was Busch heavy.

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

Only good thing to come out of this whole Covid 19 mess is that next year at least I got a new nickname for my mashing stick.

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

Perm, mustache, glasses, beer belly. I bet this guy just absolutely mauled when he was in his prime.

[Super 70s Sports @Super70sSports]

My favorite moment of Bob Horner’s press conference when he signed with the Cardinals was when he issued an open challenge to Ric Flair.

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

@mattsquadcar I average about 24 ounces per bomb. So like 96 per night

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

That wasn’t a meteor, bro. That was me absolutely toasting one tonight. Nuke city.

[Tom Stolze @ofallonweather]

Meteor flying overhead from east to west in O'Fallon, MO this evening just west of St. Louis. #stlwx #mowx

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

It was a 3-1 pitch with ducks on the pond. What am I supposed to do, take a walk like a co-ed league chump? Of course I took him deep, I just got carried away and almost chopped a leg off the Arch. Deal with it.

[David Vergel @DavidVergel97]

I was watching an @EarthCam camera from St. Louis, Missouri about 30 minutes ago and saw a #meteor!

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

Settle down, twerps. I play one weeknight game in Wentzville, torch a piss rocket into next week and people suddenly think martians are invading. Apparently they’ve never seen the raw power that this type of torque can generate.

[Brandon Hankins @NPCoachHankins]

Here’s the nest video of the space peanut from Wentzville

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

@J_Schlute Sometimes I just think it’s fun to pretend the other team has a chance to get me out.

[Softball Guy @thesoftballguy]

I once played a Halloween tournament dressed as Maverick from Top Gun just so I could yell “I’m switching to missiles!” right before I smoked another gap shot or “I’ve got your Mig dead ahead” while the pitcher was tossing me a meatball. Needless to say, I mashed.

[Jake Ryan @TheJakemon]

I’m playing men’s softball against a team all dressed up as WWE wrestlers. Kane is at 2nd