♡vile♡

[♡vile♡ @thinsomnia]

maybe I don't eat like a normal person but calling it an ED seems a bit dramatic when I'm basically just a fatass, you know? 🤣 Like I say I wanna lose weight but then I eat a normal amount of food. It's so embarrassing. I'm a disgrace to EDs, how can I possibly have one?

[♡vile♡ @thinsomnia]

Me: "being skinny is extremely to me. I'll do whatever it takes to lose weight"

Me: *binges*

🤡🤡🤡

[♡vile♡ @thinsomnia]

Ever feel like you just "lost" your ED and become too depressed and fat to restrict the way you used to? Because same.

[♡vile♡ @thinsomnia]

Hate how my ED makes me see each day as just something to get through, a chore that I have to get done and over with (on as few calories as possible) so I can keep seeing the # on the scale drop every morning.

Life is passing me by cuz I'm overly fixated on my weight and eating

[♡vile♡ @thinsomnia]

@Prettyinthin "life is about more than just looks you know"
"you really need to work on outgrowing this problem already, you're too old to still be struggling with this" (I was 17-18)

lol thx tips

[♡vile♡ @thinsomnia]

@toohightodie_ Sameeee omg haha ppl always praise it as like the one-size-fits-all answer to losing weight too but ik I'd just binge when its time to eat cuz it's been a while since the last meal😅 eating smaller amounts more frequently in the day feels way better mentally + physically imo haha

[❁ @dis0rient]

my problem area is every single fat cell on my body

[♡vile♡ @thinsomnia]

no I can't "just eat", not when restricting for me means I'm more productive, more confident, more outgoing, and just over all more willing to do things I could/would never do at a heavier weight due to feeling disgusting. how can I stop when I associate restricting with success?

[♡vile♡ @thinsomnia]

anyone else's self-care go totally out the window when you gain weight and/or in a binge cycle or is it just me? Hate myself 😅

[♡vile♡ @thinsomnia]

Tbh I really do miss the honeymoon phase of my ED when losing weight was easy, fast, and didn't seem like this disorder would have any negative effects or take away my chance to enjoy my teenage years. It's almost funny to me now how naive I used to be lol I had no fucking idea.

[♡vile♡ @thinsomnia]

Being the queen of instant gratification is making me really fucking fat

[♡vile♡ @thinsomnia]

@crazEDqueen_ I think most pharmacies here carry it now too + pretty sure there's a tool online where you can see all the places in your area that currently give out kits. I'm so thankful it's free here, it should be like that everywhere. saved my life a few times. Thx for mentioning this 💙

[♡vile♡ @thinsomnia]

I drink 3 coffees and 2-3 energy drinks a day and it still barely gets me feeling alive but if I go without I feel shittyyyyy

[♡vile♡ @thinsomnia]

why do I always forget that too much caffeine on an empty stomach feels so bad ugh I feel like im gonna puke/faint 😒

[♡vile♡ @thinsomnia]

I actually can't handle sitting down without a jacket/bag/sweater/something on my lap so I don't have to see my fat thighs. And I ALWAYS sleep with a pillow between my knees so I don't have to feel my legs against each other

I just want to forget I have a body until I'm thin tbh

[joanne @Prettyinthin]

I just can't live in my body any more

I cant stand my disgusting thighs

I can't stand my big wide hips

I can't stand my stomach

I can't stand my body

I can't stand my mind

I can't stand the thoughts

I can't stand me

I'm disgusting

[❁ @dis0rient]

every. single. moment. is ruined by my fat disgusting body and i hate it so much

it's not even just the obvious stuff like being unable to wear clothes i want. no, even something as basic as walking down the street becomes depressing when i remember that i'm in this hideous body

[🌙 @timeinmyroom]

how can I feel so numb yet so overwhelmed at the same time??

[kate @skeletalxbxby]

calories have almost become like a price you have to pay for something. i check the calories and i’m like ‘hmm do I really wanna pay 100 calories for that?’