Khalid Raheem

stand up comedian/ Writer/ Actor / The family disappointment

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

Bald white men 🤝 Wetherspoon ! Name a better match

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

If this whole missing submarine thing taught me anything is that we really don’t give a fuck about rich people. These people might die and I’ve seen nothing but hilarious memes!

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

@SaeedDiCaprio Anti-Zionism does not equal antisemitism!

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

As a grown adult man, I now I have to watch the little mermaid for the culture because people saying black people can’t be fishes and I have to prove them wrong. Like I’m tired !

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

I’m not wishing death on anyone, I would never do that! I’m just saying if the King died right now that’s an extra bank holiday this year and another bank holiday for the coronation next year so…🤞🏿

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

@estefanialol This feels like a tweet from 2020! Lol

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

So a few months ago I lost my phone and had to get a new phone number so no longer have access to that number! My chase bank account is paired with that number and trying to change it has been a nightmare! @ChaseSupportUK is easily the worst customer service experience!

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

Just checked my credit rating and you know what? I did not need that negativity in my life today!

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

@estefanialol I need more context lol

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

The cognitive dissonance in religious people is a wild thing! How is my man telling me that he can’t wait for Ramadan be over so he can have a pint 😂 man said Eid is going to be wild!

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

I’ve seen heterosexual pop stars do the same or worse! Feel like the problem you guys have has nothing to do with sexualising children and more to do with your homophobia! You ain’t complaining when Rihanna out here on here S&M shit…

[Ross McCafferty @RossMcCaff]

Sam Smith is a raging weirdo?!

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

@estefanialol Oh yeah I’m waiting on a couple of invoices myself that are way overdue! Literally thought you had a friend you lent £400 to and they were right next to you enjoying lobster and champagne! That’s the image you gave lol

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

I have no issue with Harry Styles, my issue is with his fandom! They act like this dude is a revolutionary for the way he dresses! Like there’s nothing iconic about it! Think about Prince or better yet Little Richard who did that shit as black dudes in their time! That’s iconic

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

The saddest thing about my generation is that we place way more value on clout than talent!

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

I spend a lot of time trying to create well thought out jokes about my current problems to tell on stage instead of you know actually dealing with them and trying to find solutions!

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

My anxiety has been taking charge of my life this month and honestly I'm curious where it takes it.

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

I once was going through some things and decided to tell my friend about it! This man looked me in face and told me to put my faith in Jesus! I told him I don't really believe in wizards.

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

It's like how I agree that Eminem is an incredible MC. Like I'd put him up there as one of the best but when white people say it...that feels racist!

[Khalid Raheem @thisiskhalid]

I don't know to explain it but something about mullets feels racist.