unofficial heathen

eight legs, two fangs, and an attitude. he/him

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

I get so excited when my toaster actually does its job.

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

@BWTStripes You gotta do it. You’re the chosen one.

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

might fuck around and change my major

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

Fuck birthday cake. I only want birthday cannoli.

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

who’s your most hated mario villain and why is it boo?

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

that’s right. my apartment has heated tiles*.

*i can’t control when it turns on or how hot the tile gets, and it probably means something is wrong.

[Jacob Collier @jacobcollier]

I painted some vocal harmonies underneath this legendary Whitney acapella, just for fun :)

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

Why is so much of my life comparable to a Seinfeld episode?

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

I think I pulled a neck muscle head bobbing to @corywong and @DirtyLoops new album

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

@_homeworkguy nah dawg, i’m good

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

feeling too good for homework rn

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

I was addicted to the hokey-pokey, but I turned myself around

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

As of today, I’m one year cult-free

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

nothing says “welcome home from your backpacking trip” like having to dig a hole to find a septic tank

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

I think I just saw the most mormon shirt ever

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

Only one of my socks glows in the dark.

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

Just found out that my grandma has an irrational fear of seaweed

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

You never know when you might need a melodica.

[the loudest woman this town has ever seen 🍉 @kyliejustine]

Here I made y’all a thing

[unofficial heathen @thisiszammy]

I’m such a sucker for good cheese.