ThisOneSays

Winging this life. Check back for no helpful tips whatsoever.

[ThisOneSays @ThisOneSayz]

Me: Babe, out of my purse can you bring me my…

*Husband brings entire purse*

[ThisOneSays @ThisOneSayz]

@ryanhallyall Storm in south Franklin, TN.

[ThisOneSays @ThisOneSayz]

Husband: how long does it take to shop for a homecoming dress? An hour or two?

My daughter and I:

[ThisOneSays @ThisOneSayz]

@TheAlexNevil 😂😂😂

[John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets]

People talk about how nice Keanu Reeves is, but when I ran into him in the street he wasn’t nice at all. He was very insulting about my driving and refused to sign an autograph until I’d called him an ambulance.

[Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969]

“Good day, sir. I’d heard you’d recently come into possession of some bread. I see that I was not misinformed. As it so happens, I too enjoy baked goods. Might you be persuaded to part with a small percentage? I would of course offer fair compensation at the current market rate.”

[Dead Pan Nick @Contwixt]

Aliens: what are u doing

Earth: Blowing big holes in our own planet because we're afraid of each other

Aliens: okay take care

[Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969]

“Sweet ride, bro.”
“Thanks, pops.”

[Darla @ddsmidt]

A snake just stays a snake. They don't morph into butterflies or anything beautiful like that.

[Nathalie with an h @nnnatchos]

I can’t be with you anymore, you’ve changed..

*Caterpillar & butterfly

[Rick Aaron @RickAaron]

For 12 glorious minutes today, I get to call all my neighbors who have solar panels & tell ‘em “Your power’s out”.

[Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969]

“Are you the branch manager?”
“Yes I am, how can I help you?”
“I would like two branches, please.”
“How would you like that?”
“Two big sticks, four little sticks.”

[John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets]

"I sat in an air-conditioned room and ate candy. Four stars." -my review of every summer movie