When Joyce Carol Oates said:
Not to expect others to value what you’ve done as you value it. Not to expect anyone else to perceive in it the emotions you have invested in it. Once this is understood, all will be well. Not indifference, not apathy—but self-containment.
But turning against yourself is vital. Sometimes you need guidance doing so without spiraling into deep pockets of despair. Sometimes you’ll hate the guider. But you’ll end up hating yourself more if you don’t do the hard work.
The thing about growth is that you can’t just want it, you need to take steps towards it and these steps will 100% feel foreign and uncomfortable. Most of the time, it’s going to require you to explicitly turn against yourself and most people don’t want to do that.