T🐀

[T🐀 @thomaslangford]

@UptownPeeeet @stoolgambling @PFTCommenter

[Katie Nolan @katienolan]

do you guys think snoop and martha have at least kissed

[Noah Kahan @NoahKahan]

Gotta piss so bad but it’s champagne problems so gonna let these trousers prove their worth ladies and gentleman

[Rachel @rachaparker]

I don’t mean to be crass but someone has to ask. Is Texas A&M equipped to handle Max Weiner and Max Johnson simultaneously?

[A.R. Moxon 🦋 @JuliusGoat]

Social media apps as Lord of the Rings characters, a thread:

Twitter: Twitter is Gollum. Began as a normal halfling. Overexposure to evil left it thin and stretched and bitter.

[out of context arrested development @casualarrested]

happy 4th of july. never forget who fought for your independence

[regular sized ackman @pleas4nt]

Imagine dating Gollum and he takes you home to meet his parents and as you walk in he stands up straight and starts talking normal

[cory @coolmathgame_]

interviewer: what do u bring to the table

me: potato salad if it’s like a family thing

interviewer: i meant to work

me: [clearing my throat] i would bring regular potatoes. none of that funny business

[becca moore @becccamoore]

if you haven’t yet today pleaseeeee make sure you get in your hours and hours of screen time. you are your phone’s entire life. it misses you ♥️♥️🫶🏼🫶🏼 always remember this

[T🐀 @thomaslangford]

If you request read receipts on work emails it's on sight

[OptaSTATS @OptaSTATS]

Wade Taylor IV of @aggiembk is one of two Division I players in the last 25 years to have a 5-game span with:

- 100+ points
- 40+ FT made
- 20+ assists
- 15+ 3-pointers made
- 10+ steals
- 45.0% 3-point shooting
- 90.0% FT shooting

The other is Stephen Curry (Nov. 14-24, 2008).

[T🐀 @thomaslangford]

On today's "questions asked 25 years late", in the song One Week by Barenaked Ladies they say "I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral. Can't understand what I mean? Well you soon will"

Is this a threat? Is someone in danger? Am I in danger? This isn't rhetorical please help

[T🐀 @thomaslangford]

I got my first pair of wool socks this week. I feel like I've broken out of the matrix

[Robin Lopez @rolopez42]

This is just like that time in Muppets Take Manhattan when the Muppets, after unsuccessfully attempting to take Manhattan, split up and leave Manhattan.

[T🐀 @thomaslangford]

@kmrappold

[sabrina @abelinasabrina]

2023 is for the bald boys

[T🐀 @thomaslangford]

Today I stole my work friend's gift through a game of white elephant. Among other things, it had scratch-off tickets. I won $115. Kiiiiiiinda don't want to tell him. AITA?