ThreeToeJoe

Shower thoughts

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

If you don’t like me you’re lacktoes intolerant.

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

Mid life crisis? You mean y’all got half a life without crisis?

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

Sometimes when there’s an ant climbing on my sink I’ll wash it down the drain and then feel guilty about it

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

Coming back to this, I definitely would’ve gotten myself executed on grounds of witchcraft

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

Anyone just go through totally outlandish scenarios in their head sometimes?

I just imagined how I would explain what germs are to a medieval king if I someday woke up in the 1340s.

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed at home,
This little piggy had roast beef...
I ran out

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

She said yes

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

Life’s a musical when your brain decides to switch songs it’s stuck on every five minutes

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

I still use apostrophes when I’m texting and driving

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

@_B_Diddy_ This is gold

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

@_s3n3c4 Yes

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

Sleeping cats are paperweights for humans

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

@breakfast_wraps My confidence has been tarnished forever

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

Don’t worry I don’t have corona, I am just inept and inhaled my own saliva.

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

Crackers are just the vessel for which guac enters my mouth

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

@TannerKujo Thank

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

Maple syrup farmers are like mosquitoes for maple trees.

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

Waltz No.19 in A Minor? I hardly know her!

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

Crisis! at the Capitol; a Panic! at the Disco spin off band

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

@YETICoolers Needs to make a protein shaker bottle

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

Smoothies are just pre-chewed food.

[ThreeToeJoe @ThreeToeJoe]

That moment you’re putting your seatbelt on like a game of operation so the metal doesn’t burn your skin