L'homme aux milles personnalités

La télé la télé

they/them

[L'homme aux milles personnalités @tibo_rive]

s16

[L'homme aux milles personnalités @tibo_rive]

@hululle @LoulouPasMoi Toujours penser au gcu !
Pour ce qui est du pays basque, il y en a un à Hendaye :
https://t.co/tTw3mO53ft

[Samo Burja @SamoBurja]

The year is 2048. The Chinese Space Force redirects several asteroids towards Earth. Each is chosen for their exact elemental composition, they are as close to purely metallic as can be found in the asteroid belt.

On October 1st 2049 at 1919 military time they enter the Earth's atmosphere. 1937 military time they explode over a city of sixteen million people.

The colorful fireworks are an instant viral hit on TikTok.

[L'homme aux milles personnalités @tibo_rive]

@bluwunk I think botlane quest completion is slowed with this strat, no ?

[L'homme aux milles personnalités @tibo_rive]

Pas perso mais un jour la grand-mère a lâché "d'ailleurs votre grand père était homosexuel". Bon, entendable au vu des tendances familiales. "Oui, je l'ai surpris ayant une affaire avec un de ses étudiants" PAARDOON ???

[whales ☁️ @cowboywale]

happy pride month… racontez-moi vos coming out je suis curieux

[wsh ya du miel dans le 92 @cynure_]

lit 🛏️
👨🏻‍🦱-bb tu peux me gronder stp..?👉👈
👩🏻-mmdr encore?? tm tro ca
🫏(âne sous le lit) -HIII HAAAN
👩🏻-OMG c quoi ce bruit??
👨🏻‍🦱-euh rien tqt bb c juste un âne que jgarde pr un pote tsais jten avais parlé
👩🏻-QUOI ??
🫏- bon vs aller mougou oui ou nn

[𝗍𝗈𝗌𝗄𝖺 @__merwngue]

@sa_bsd j'ai atteint l'âge où je le suis aussi

[𝕻𝖎𝖈𝖆𝖗𝕺_|🍁 @Picaro_11]

1- Ne jamais se battre contre un inconnu
2- Ne jamais se battre contre un inconnu
3- Fuir face à un inconnu

[L'homme aux milles personnalités @tibo_rive]

@AdrienZabat J'ai une licence de maths et je pense que ça te prendrait plus de 5 minutes

[L'homme aux milles personnalités @tibo_rive]

@NamarPoojzi Est-ce qu'il a passé le premier étage ?

[Storyteller Lemmy @LemmySmackett]

"Dude, I just read an insane statistic."

"Hm?"

"High school-age lesbians have an almost identical pregnancy rate to their heterosexual counterparts — 7 to 9 percent — while self-identified bisexuals have double."

"Eh."

"That's a whopping one-in-five. Twenty percent!"

"Sounds right to me."

"Sounds right to you? How does lesbians getting pregnant sound right to you?"

"Hey, just 'cause they're lesbians doesn't mean the equipment's broken."

"That's not—"

"I've been with plenty of lesbians and none of them had a sign hanging off the front of their woxers that read: 'WARNING: Punani Out of Order.'"

"It ain't about the punani being out, it's about what's going in—wait, you've been with lesbians? And what are woxers?"

"Women's boxers."

"Ah."

"They sell 'em at Target."

"I didn't know that."

"And yeah, all my baby mamas are lesbian."

"What?"

"It's an optimal breeding strategy."

"Wait, wait, wait. Roll it back. These aren't high school lesbians, are they?"

"What? No man. I got more decency than that."

"Thank God."

"I'm into older women anyway."

"I was about to say—"

"College freshmen only."

"Okay, but I still don't understand. How are you, as a straight man, getting lesbians pregnant?"

"Well, they don't tend to be on birth control, for one—"

"That's—"

"—so they're ovulating more than your average straight woman."

"Okay, but—"

"Again, they're lesbians."

"Yes, I know that, I—look, where does the dick come into play?"

"You know where the dick comes in to play, bro. You're 27."

"Tch."

"If you want to know how we get there, the answer is the same as it ever was: good times and bad alcohol."

"Okay but at some point she must say, 'wait, I'm a lesbian'."

"She does, and then I flutter my fingers a little faster—

"Jesus."

"—while whispering, 'It's a shame we can't do more.'"

"I get it!"

"And she does too."

"Okay but after you've slept with a lesbian, she stops being lesbian."

"Eh?"

"At that point, she's bisexual at best."

"I don't see how that's fair."

"Fair? It's the literal definition of the word!"

"Look, just 'cause a guy falls off the wagon and has a beer once in a blue moon that doesn't make him a full-blown alcoholic again."

"I'm sorry. Are you suggesting that all straight women are drunk on dick?"

"They are when they're with me."

"Lovely. Well, this has been an immensely edifying conversation, as usual."

"You're welcome."

"And I wish the best to you and all your child support payments to your bevy of lesbian baby mamas."

"Oh, I don't pay child support. They're lesbians."

"What?"

"They're lesbians."

"You can repeat that all you want: they're still single mothers—"

"Not all of them."

"—and they're still legally entitled to financial assistance."

"Right, but if they filed for child support and got it, they'd be straight on paper."

"You—"

"Because I'd be the dad."

"Okay. I see it now."

"But since they're lesbians, they don't file."

"Right. And that's your optimal breeding strategy, is it?"

"I'm up to ten or twelve bastards. Hasn't cost me a dime."

"You're a bad person, you know that?"

"On the contrary, I'm the best thing a straight man can be."

"And what's that?"

"An identity-affirming ally."
---
[m][title: They're Lesbians]

[Aurora @Aurora_un]

Esto es como si Zhukov te viniera en 1945 y te dijera que el poder de la bomba atómica es insignificante en comparación al materialismo dialectico

[Nozo @NozoSousFlash]

J'étais entrain d'appeler ma mère et qd elle a répondu j'ai à peine eu le tps de dire "allo ma.." qu'un fou furieux malodorant a surgi d'un buisson en hurlant "MA ??? MASTER POULET??? IL FAUDRA ME PASSER SUR LE CORPS", j'ai rapidement compris qu'il s'agissait de Karim Bouamrane

[fafa @faroria_]

Mdr ah vous êtes choqués ? Il a dit ça sur la route du retour car c’était un redflag ambulant et j’ai tellement été choquée que j’ai pas eu le temps de réagir que 2sec après il s’est regardé dans une vitre et il a dit « ptn j’ai grossi non ? J’ai un cul d’africain »

[AlertesInfos @AlertesInfos]

🇫🇷 Hélène Arnault, épouse de Bernard Arnault et catholique non pratiquante, dit "se passionner pour l’Islam", un sujet dont elle échange régulièrement avec son ami Gims, très croyant, présenté par Brigitte Macron.

L’épouse du milliardaire s’était ensuite envolée en jet privé pour le Congo avec l’artiste, "toute enjouée de découvrir l’Afrique".

Avant son départ, Bernard Arnault, inquiet pour sa sécurité, lui aurait déclaré : "J’espère, Hélène, que tu t’es confessée".

(Libération)

[danny @d4nnytye]

hate when you’re waiting for the green man like some pedestriancel and you get absolutely jaywalkmogged by a rightofwaychad. fuck

[Trick @TrickVAL]

@canezerra @erafps investing in this post now so when you get cancelled in 8 months 7 days and 11 minutes I was here first

[Koala @Koala_lol1]

PART5

Contexte : Je met de la musique Intro YT 2012 et on est OBLIGÉ d'all-in sur le drop #SENDITONTHEDROP

[Tony Chau @SaskioLoL]

tracking the period cycles of your league duos can lead to increased winrates

i have 147 games of data on this.

my friend yuulu tweeted about it earlier because she finally saw the CRM i've been keeping on her for months.

overall winrate with her sits at 55.1%.

on period games? 52%.

off period? 57.5%.

that's a 5.5% delta over 5 tracked cycles with a 94.3% confidence.

the data doesn't lie. I have an excel with our accounts linked up to riots api and it pulls data based on kda, damage dealt & winrate.

during her period her aggression rating spikes to 8.6 out of 10 based on damage dealt and deaths.

that means during her period i'm playing TRISTANA.

rocket jumping into every fight.

matching her chaos with my chaos. if she's gonna flash forward i'm gonna flash forward with her.

we're both committing war crimes at the SAME TIME

off period? completely different player.

aggression drops to 4.85. plays calculated.

kda higher due to dying less.

best vision score. she's entering her peak janna phase.

so when she's off period i'm locking VAYNE. patient. scaling.

tumbling around and waiting for good opportunities to fight.

we play a slow methodical lane and farm up to late game. that's where we pop off.

the 57.5% winrate off period comes from this coordination.

we're not just playing league.

we're playing league AROUND her HORMONAL CYCLES.

most of you can't even tell when your duo is tilted after 3 games.

i can tell when mine is entering the pre-menstrual aggression window 3 days out based on over-aggressive timers alone.

her next cycle starts april 17th at 9:36am.

5.2 day duration estimated.

i've already shifted my youtube content creation strategy around this for viewers to be prepared for more Tristana commentaries.

this is the level of commitment required to climb with a duo.

you think you can just queue up with your friend and vibe your way to challenger? no. you need DATA.

you need ANALYSIS.

you need to know what play style she's locking BEFORE she locks it based on where she is in her cycle.

yuulu thought i was crazy when i told her the prediction. she opened her health app.

told me her app predicted her period to be between April 15th - April 19th.

my CRM beat her own body's tracking

Study the Saskio way

[PRAVDA @voiledencre]

Je viens de faire un 67 en passant devant une école les petits ont PÉTÉ LES PLOMBS et commencer à hurler SIX SEVEN à toute berzingue dans la cour et la maîtresse m’a grondé en me disant « mais ça va pas la tête ?! Vous avez quel âge » PTDRRRRRRRR