Tim Archer

Boilermaker. Dolphin fanatic. Lunatic. Leading the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair.

[FinsXtra @FinsXtra]

📉 Where the Miami Dolphins rank across major publications' power rankings ahead of the season opener:

NFL: 32nd
New York Times: 32nd
ESPN: 32nd
Yahoo Sports: 30th
NBC Sports: 28th
Bleacher Report: 32nd
The Ringer: 29th
FOX Sports: 32nd
CBS Sports: 32nd

Low expectations. #PhinsUp

[Tim Archer @timarcher23]

1. Stoyanovich in ‘94.

2. 62-7 vs. the Jags in Marino’s final game.

3. Collapse vs. Titans on MNF in 2023.

4. Tua. Cleo Lemon. John Beck. Frerotte. Pat White. Sage Rosenfels. Ray Lucas. Brian Griese. Joey Harrington. Culpepper over Brees.

5. Tyreek’s knee explodes.

6. Tyreek arrested before kickoff in our home opener.

7. 2007. 1-15. Cam Cameron.

8. Bullygate.

9. Saban: “I’m not going to be the Alabama coach.”

10. The Jets come back for the “Monday Night Miracle” in 2000.

11. Chris Grier says the fanbase is more worried about the O-line than he is.

12. Hootie releases a song about how our team will make you cry.

13. Shakira announced as a part owner.

14. Tua throwing gang signs on the turf in Cincinnati.

15. Marino’s Achilles rips in half in Cleveland.

16. We can’t properly Suck for Luck resulting in 7 years of Ryan Tannehill.

17. Bud Dupree ends Matt Moore’s life in the AFC divisional round because, predictably, Tannehill is already hurt.

18. Smokin’ Jay Cutler makes a $10M cash grab after Tannehill’s knee goes kerput in training camp and delivers one of the least enjoyable seasons in recorded NFL history.

19. Smokin’ Ricky Williams retires unexpectedly before the 2005 season and a team that went 10-6 in 2004 goes 4-12 in 2005.

20. Every Mike McDaniel presser.

21. “With the #3 pick in the 2013 Draft, the Miami Dolphins select Dion Jordan.”

I could do 20 more on Tua/McDaniel/Tyreek. I didn’t even mention Adam Gase. This franchise is a coronary.

[Evan @StockMKTNewz]

When I say 25 basis points instead of 0.25%

[Tim Archer @timarcher23]

While flying into Philadelphia I saw a boatload of dong.

[Tim Archer @timarcher23]

@IamDijami Cleo Lemon

[Tim Archer @timarcher23]

@winmod1886 @aakashgupta My children have mastered “cute at being absolute morons” to the benefit of their survival as well.

[Tim Archer @timarcher23]

Achane traded during the draft: 100%

Brooks traded during the draft: 90%

I’m excited to see what Sully does in his first draft. I think I’ll be excited no matter what because I have faith in him. Let’s not run out of Diet Coke out there.

[Tim Archer @timarcher23]

Annual “What can the Dolphins do during the draft to make me cry” tweet:

WR drafted at 11: 80%

Monroe Freeling at 11: 60%

Draft Caleb Downs at 11: 10% (Love him, just don’t love picking a safety there)

[Tim Archer @timarcher23]

Trade back with Fano, Bain, or Mauigoa available 20% (Would need to see the haul)

WR drafted at 30: 25% (I like
Concepcion but think DE/OL with first rounders in the ticket)

Trade out of 30: Tears of joy.

[Tim Archer @timarcher23]

Dan Hurley such a jerk he’s making Mick Cronin look like a sympathetic figure.

[Tim Archer @timarcher23]

People freaking out like this wasn’t always going to happen. Hill is 32 off a major knee injury and owed $52M, cutting saves almost $23M. Chubb restructured down just to stay last season. New regime needs to reset the books for 2027 and won’t be judged on W/L in ‘26. More to come

[Adam Schefter @AdamSchefter]

Tyreek Hill’s release by the Dolphins is the second high-profile cut the Dolphins made today, along with Bradley Chubb.

There are other potential candidates, but the most significant still up in the air is the future of QB Tua Tagovailoa, who already has $54M fully guaranteed to him in 2026.

[Tim Archer @timarcher23]

@ChiBearsMuse @AdamSchefter @ChicagoBears Optics are not ideal, but the 2026 cap hit was always going to make this a reality. Miami tried to move him after the 2024 season but the 2025 cap hit was prohibitive so they hung on knowing 205 was always going to be the last ride. Can’t control the injury piece.

[Tim Archer @timarcher23]

“I have come to remind people I am the guitarist from Rage Against the Machine! Please be on the lookout for my new album in 2026!”

[Ed Krassenstein @EdKrassen]

Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine showed up to protest in Minneapolis.

“I don’t live here. I’m an outside agitator. I’ve come to stir up trouble. We are here to stir up as much trouble as we can because we care about this country, democracy, freedom and to oppose tyranny, racism and the incredibly horrible state terror that the Trump administration is inflicting on our country.”

[Baker Mayfield @bakermayfield]

Failed is quite the reach pal. Still waiting on a text/call from him after I got shipped off like a piece of garbage. Can’t wait to see you twice a year, Coach.

[Tim Archer @timarcher23]

I was 18 in 2000 when the Dolphins won their last playoff game, in what was then called Pro Player Stadium. If you had told me that day that IU would win a national championship in our stadium before we would win another single playoff game, I might have offed myself.

[Tim Archer @timarcher23]

Join me on Polymarket https://t.co/kodFKoU0Xl

[Tim Archer @timarcher23]

@OffDaHook35 @AdamSchefter @TouchMyMonkey13

[Tim Archer @timarcher23]

@IamThorb Thorbstradomus.

[Tim Archer @timarcher23]

“They’re going to win 7-8 games” so they can’t have a high enough pick for it to matter.

Our boy @IamThorb has seen it. Clairvoyant.

[Thorb @IamThorb]

Dolphins Recap 🤙🏼