Timemethy™

RF Engineer by day, mad scientist at night

[𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓 @MoMohler]

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

[carter hambley @carterhambley]

please don’t come into my chocolate factory expecting some bullshit. this is a place of work. do not talk to my fat little employees

[Joseph 🕊️ @CaudilloXIV]

I’m sorry liver but daddy is having beer for breakfast again

[beanie @beaniebbl]

everyone needs a friend who’s a little autistic about history

[Eren 💋 @erenfromtargets]

told my boyfriend the cashier at Target was a bitch and he said “was it at self checkout”

[low yield lucy @picotop]

intern just said "type shit" to a client.

[ً @monrues]

how long after sex is it appropriate to put on star wars: revenge of the sith

[I eat short people @UnderwearStain]

Burped so hard at CVS that the force of it sent every single pill flying at high speed like shrapnel and it killed the pharmacist and 4 customers

[‎➳ ⋆.𖥔 𝘚𝘦𝘳 𝘌𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘦 @gildfae]

how long after sex is it appropriate to put on Lord of the rings

[dunn's blue toy car @v4mp1r3bit3]

how long after sex is it appropriate to put on Viva La Bam

[soup🍓 @thrluv]

did you know there’s 40 grams of protein in shutting the fuck up

[Lyn🦋 @_ayandamay]

I remember telling a girl at the gas station that the man in her car should be pumping the gas . She said he was an amputee & that’s the day I learned to mind my fucking business

[Phantasy @fw_phantasy]

I'm a calm man, so naturally I like crazy bitches

[ANW Pizza Parker, NYC Spokesperson @TheColtonShow__]

This got me weeping lmao

[SB @Rackedupsb]

Y’all think it’s hot rn wait until y’all go to hell

[Rose @24kRose_]

I’ll honk at anyone in traffic. I’ll worry about what gun you got later