Timmy Longjohns

it has always been, and will always be, the flyers

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

Going to a concert and not grafting your favorite song has to be top 3 worst feelings ever

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

The beer salute after a song should be universal

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

If you don’t trade out the coleslaw for an extra texas toast I don’t trust you as a person

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

It will never make sense to me how you sub haaland out for extra time. You don’t sub out LeBron James in overtime

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

Why are everyone in airports so hot

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

Getting a haircut with my back to the mirror. No idea what I’m gonna look like when it’s over. 0/10 feeling

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

Went to go see grandma after I got home from college. She wasted no time to ask if i found a girlfriend yet. For the 21st consecutive year, i had to tell her no. Nothing I want more than to tell her yes

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

If someone holds the door open for you and you don’t say thank you.
Fuck you.

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

@JerseyMike37 Sounds like a pussy

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

“Turn off the lights. Berm is going to Rjs.”- Berm

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

@JerseyMike37 Hurry up

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

Whoever wore the Tupac shirt to haliburtons injury is selfish. Completely took the attention away from him

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

@SECfootballFan4 Really Mike? What if I put piss and jizz in that bottle. Would you like it still? Just stupid to even say that Mike.

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

No human in history could ever match the amount of aura Caesar from planet of the apes has

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

Waking up in the morning with a set tee time with your boys has to be a top 5 feeling ever

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

Woke up pissed off

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

Would you Rather:
Have an orangutan rip your balls off
Or
Have seasonal allergies
Give me the orangutan

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

America vs the world tomorrow. If you want Rory “the crybaby” McIlroy you’re a communist

[Timmy Longjohns @timmytimjohns]

Haven’t had something good happen to me in months. Something good is on the horizon. Hopefully a MILF