Tommy

Just happy to be here

[Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker]

This motherfucking war has more endings than Return of the King

[Tommy @tjsanders]

You can’t even order what you want at Taco Bell anymore you have to settle for their curated slop box of the month

[Tommy @tjsanders]

Imagine if everyone used their blinker

[Tommy @tjsanders]

Why would I ever want to watch someone else play a video game

[Tommy @tjsanders]

Snakes Alive

[Tommy @tjsanders]

Half cash, half stock

[Tommy @tjsanders]

Hockey would be so cool if we could see the puck

[Tommy @tjsanders]

Gleesh walking for the field sobriety test

[Darth Devil 🔱 @Darth__Devil]

bring these boys back and make the entire stadium a fucking snake pit

#expand #beer #bringbacktherattler

[Circe @vocalcry]

My HOA is two weeks away from developing a nuclear weapon

[Tommy @tjsanders]

There used to be a Baja Fresh on every street corner. You couldn’t run an errand without picking something up. Neighbors would say “feeling fresh today?”and you’d say “bajabsolutely!” Why would they take that away from us

[Richard Strocher 𝕏 @RichardStrocher]

MR. GORBACHEV TEAR DOWN THIS FUCKIN' WALL YOU CRAZY BASTARD OR YOU'LL BE LIVING IN HELL. PRAISE BE TO ALLAH!

[YNW Mel Blanc @EricTrillman_]

At the CVS drive thru tryna order the Tiger Woods meal

[big content guy @bigcontentguy]

jelly roll makes music for people who come over and rile up your dogs

[The Babylon Bee @TheBabylonBee]

Every Inning Of Baseball Game Aired On Different Streaming Service https://t.co/8JynJjLDrZ

[Matt @scriptumsent]

People dunking on this don’t appreciate that good writing takes time. They’re acting like there’s a whole story just ready to go.

[Tommy @tjsanders]

Why didn’t we use the discombobulator in the WBC championship

[۟ @4NGELWING]

no bro don’t buy airpods. you need the Sony WH-1000XM5-WHCH720N-WF1000XM5-CH520

[PFT Commenter @PFTCommenter]

Mark DeRosa smartly saving some of his guys for game 2

[Tommy @tjsanders]

Coca-Cola is the absolute worst soda out there. One sip and you can immediately tell that it’s one of the first sodas ever made. They were smart for buying almost every other drink company out there. Just acting like it tastes good and keeping it alive as long as they can