TLDR News

We are an investigative journalism organization bringing you the tasteless satire that you deserve.

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

BREAKING: Donald Trump has declared preemptive strike on Iranian schoolgirls — "We can't wait until they're 18"

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

Senator Lindsey Graham drunkenly attempted to grope Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelenskyy, according to recently resurfaced texts: @POLITICO

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

SCOTT JENNINGS RAPED MITCH MCCONNELL IN HOSPITAL ROOM, PROMPTING NURSES TO RESTRAIN HIM — DEVELOPING

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

HEARTWARMING: @LindseyGrahamSC has donated his "ladybugs" to @Smithsonian Museum of Natural History for study

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

HOMOPHOBIA?! Grindr futures ($GRND) plummet on Graham death news

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

EMTs failed to resuscitate Senator Lindsey Graham because they could not find his heart: @DCMayor

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

EXCLUSIVE: Grim Reaper "fed up" with "Zionist neocons," hints @MarkLevinShow might be next

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

D.C. gays will go half-mast over the weekend in memory of Senator Lindsey Graham: @TrevorProject

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

HEARTWARMING: Honey-Maid opens charity for "crackers named Graham" after terrible news week

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

BREAKING: LINDSEY GRAHAM NO LONGER SUPPORTS ISRAEL

#heartbreaking #totalgoyimvictory

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

Senator Lindsey Graham has died from complications of AIDS: staff office

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

PLATNER TO REVEAL ISRAELI HERITAGE IN DESPERATE BID TO EXCUSE RAPE ACCUSATIONS: SOURCES

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

�� EXCLUSIVE 🚨

"I'm appalled to hear of Mr. Platner's rape accusation. But I'm even more appalled to hear accusations that his accuser is lying. We know she's telling the truth because he ejaculated in her and she didn't get pregnant."

Todd Akin x @TLDRGlobal | July 10, 9AM

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

JUSTICE: @UN Special Rapporteur opens investigation into "systematic use of rape accusations as a weapon" at the DSCC

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

BIG TENT: @TuckerCarlson has endorsed @GrahamForMaine, citing "the Establishment's fear of rapists"

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

NOT OKAY: @ZohranKMamdani withdraws @GrahamForMaine endorsement after learning rape victim was NOT Israeli

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

SOLIDARITY FOREVER? @ZohranKMamdani requested Nazi tattoo in Borough Park parlor, sources tell @CBSNews

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

BREAKING: @AmySchumer to recount "vicious" rape by @ZohranKMamdani at 2023 fundraiser

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

BREAKING: @DSCC to blanket Maine with $100M in ads, displaying still picture of Jenny Racicot captioned with "Really?"

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

A severely intoxicated @GrahamForMaine may have been under the false impression that his accuser Jenny Racicot was an intruder, said his psychiatrist in a sealed affidavit

[TLDR News @TLDRGlobal]

BREAKING: Graham Platner has accused Susan Collins of raping him, citing now-deleted messages from 2023

Pressed for comment, Susan Collins said, "I wouldn't even rape him."