Thomas Garland

[Thomas Garland @tom_garland]

who sleeps anymore?

[Thomas Garland @tom_garland]

#quarantinequotes

• Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

• I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard. I'm getting tired of the Living Room.

[Thomas Garland @tom_garland]

#quarantinequotes

• So, after this quarantine... will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

• My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

[Thomas Garland @tom_garland]

#quarantinequotes

• Homeschooling is going well... two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job.

• I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

[Thomas Garland @tom_garland]

#quarantinequotes

• Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ---- The Living Room or The Bedroom.

• Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

[Thomas Garland @tom_garland]

#quarantinequotes
• This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog. It was obvious she thought her dog understood her. I came into my house, told my cat. We laughed a lot.

• I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

[Thomas Garland @tom_garland]

#quarantinequotes
• Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

• I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

[Thomas Garland @tom_garland]

Is TMC down ? For days I've been getting this message @TeslaMotorsClub

[Thomas Garland @tom_garland]

@business Just wait. I think many Americans are in for a bitter surprise in April. The SALT cap at $10k will result in tax due that more than wipes out the minimal monthly gains during the year.. absolutely the case for my family. Families used to a refund are going to be disappointed.

[Bloomberg @business]

A year after the middle class tax cut, the rich are winning https://t.co/4GZN7kGSgl

[Thomas Garland @tom_garland]

@nickbilton Diesel

[Bloomberg @business]

Price increases are likely to hit American shoppers harder than their Chinese counterparts in the trade war https://t.co/a3D27ToPrl

[Thomas Garland @tom_garland]

@FordFischer @ALT_uscis Air Rifle or not, it’ll get you shot in the right circumstances if you are carrying it about...

[Thomas Garland @tom_garland]

@nickbilton 4 to 8 years to build and just weeks to tunnel under .. or swim around ..

[Thomas Garland @tom_garland]

@redteamwrangler @Dropbox @1Password Interesting -- can you explain why that would be better?

[Thomas Garland @tom_garland]

The weird reason why people recycle flat but not crumpled up paper http://t.co/2sVRCuFBQ0

[Thomas Garland @tom_garland]

What was the name of the BioGen company Jim Cramer @jimcramer talked about tonight on @MadMoneyOnCNBC ?

[Must Love Nerds @latrice_marie]

Welll.....I'm sorry TL but I have to try to save Matthew #VoiceSave

[adamdubidam @makanayamyamyam]

#VoiceSave Matthew#VoiceSave Matthew#VoiceSave Matthew#VoiceSave Matthew#VoiceSave Matthew#VoiceSave Matthew#VoiceSave Matthew 7