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like bowls

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Slightly shocked that monogamy game out triumphant tonight against me and two best friends named Greg and Mac

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I’m naming my next cat teenie bikini or Ashley

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Is being tired reason enough to sob openly biking down eastern parkway

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I’d be less annoying if I wasn’t so hyperbolic

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Had a dream they changed the Bergen street F/G train to a different name

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Please. Fight the urge to reproduce.

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Shit talking spike lee, while walking behind spike lee

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Got caught stealing from Whole Foods hot bar if anyone asks why I’m not home for dinner

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@cumine_ Lucky enough to relate to lebron I see

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With this amount of hair on my head I’m leaving so much evidence everywhere I go. The cab, the grocery store, the school, the subway, the bathroom at Whole Foods, it goes on. If I killed someone they’d be like she’s EVERYWHERE! CCTV is bupkis my hair is someone’s Christmas orname

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Oh mee god guys I left me earplugs in that’s why I can hear every thought

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Should I wash my hair it’s Christmas Eve and I’m gonna go hit the church service

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It looks like I spent the entire day on TikTok but rlly my thoughts kept repeating the plan i made for the exact right time* I’ll buy a pregnancy test and then follow up with the abortion pill

*hint it’s all going down the drain after vacation

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So both not plausible but I’m more likely to climb mount kilaminjaro than

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Charmin at the club bathroom?

Wiping w cashmere couch cushions tn!!

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Stop coughing into your hand and then think you did the right thing

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Has anything good ever happened to an average guy named Gary?

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In all serious is there a market for watching me eat food naked

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Idk…red flag if they don’t wanna have sex bc I’m on the bleed

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Hornified glee: the only state I’ll tolerate from a lover