Tor

We do not disrespect Reba McEntire in this house

[Tor @torihaddox]

I got locked out of my Twitter when I got a new phone last year, and I just found my old phone 🥲 *inhales* ah, it feels good to be back.

[Tor @torihaddox]

Shotgunned a beer with Shane Gillis tonight and I would like to thank the University of Texas for preparing me for that moment. I knew that degree wasn’t for nothing

[Tor @torihaddox]

There was a lady tonight who walked into the movie theater an hour late, sat directly next to me, made 4 FaceTime calls, and then left after 30 minutes. I wish I was making that shit up. Thought I was on a Punk’d reboot

[Tor @torihaddox]

One of my aunts took all the leftover honey baked ham and now nobody can have their second dinner ham roll (the best part of this holiday) @AmericanAir

[Tor @torihaddox]

@LADco Just out here trying to spread awareness for the asthmatic community

[Tor @torihaddox]

@kaydensankey I’d be honored

[Tor @torihaddox]

Currently in one of the scariest places in the world, a Florida Walmart

[Tor @torihaddox]

I had a dream last night that I went to a private Andre 3000/Kid Cudi concert. God I hope that was foreshadowing of my future

[Tor @torihaddox]

The All That theme song had absolutely no need to go so hard

[Tor @torihaddox]

@madamizell I’m telling you, it’s the hex. Potholes only

[Tor @torihaddox]

Me? I’m going to hit a pothole like it’s fuckin bullseye, you can count on it. I’ve been hexed

[Tor @torihaddox]

I used to start getting ready for a night out with a shower beer. Now, I start with a shower matcha ✨growth✨

[sheeva @sheevasmells]

once again

[Tor @torihaddox]

Not my uber driver making a pun about The Room Where it Happens…. We’re getting married in August, look out for invites

[Tor @torihaddox]

@SpruceMcgill Lmfao nah it’s because I only have about 7 strands of hair

[Tor @torihaddox]

God really knew what he was doing when he gave me hair that only takes four minutes to blow dry, hallelujah

[Tor @torihaddox]

“We walked in and the DJ was wearing a fedora so we left”

[Tor @torihaddox]

If there is one thing drunk me doesn’t understand, it’s the difference between whether a video or a picture is being taken

[Tor @torihaddox]

Update: they have been found!!!!!!!

[Tor @torihaddox]

Moving in: Okay I’m going to put my passport and social security card in a safe place so I don’t forget.

Moving out: WHERE THE F**K did I put my passport and social security card?!?!?

[Saturday Night Live @nbcsnl]

Congratulations, @kenanthompson!
1,500 sketches!!!!!