Tori 🦇🔪☠️

no thank you (she/her)

[jake rhodes @jakebrodes]

just ate 3000 calories of airport Panda Express ass crack of dawn rooster still tired. And you wanna ask me to move my feet out of the aisle. These are size 13 shoes. Im inbred. Im the serpent in the garden w nicotine poisoning. Youre on vacation w your kids Im dying in real life

[Tori 🦇🔪☠️ @tormander20]

Okay so no one is out there, got it 🫡

[Tori 🦇🔪☠️ @tormander20]

I am still alive is anyone out there

[Tori 🦇🔪☠️ @tormander20]

I am still alive is anyone out there

[BlueJay @them_failure]

Me: You're in the mineshaft while your boy's on mine shaft. Is that anything?

The guard that only tells lies: yeah

[one dozen bats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

every day is like this now

[Lanyard @Workm4nship]

Me

[Tori 🦇🔪☠️ @tormander20]

@feederofcats Wonton really is magic

[computer man @gloomfather]

(Interrupting my wife’s zoom meeting) Hey babe I noticed you didn’t cut my blueberries in half when u made my snack earlier? I guess you want me to choke and die? (Noticing myself reflected in her webcam next to her coworkers) nightmare blunt rotation lmao

[berd @berdyaboi]

pure. wholesome. the funny little man sees that the other freak is moving, sees it might be alive. conscious. and examines him respectfully. no harm, no foul. precious animal. respectful animal. no reason to turn him into stew. will look into this

[Will Sennett @Senn_Spud]

Recently rewatched Mad men and this time around it struck me that Don is not the hero (girlfriend leaves room) if Don Draper was a fire truck he would be the biggest one in the world

[mr. joshua @pants]

@SheaSerrano

[Tori 🦇🔪☠️ @tormander20]

Man who just bit me and feels no remorse

[Tori 🦇🔪☠️ @tormander20]

Neighbors started having their entire roof redone at 6:30am on a Saturday 🤩

[Tori 🦇🔪☠️ @tormander20]

@RockafellaFonz_ I’M sorry

[Tori 🦇🔪☠️ @tormander20]

@frank_logged_on You have to

[Tori 🦇🔪☠️ @tormander20]

Feeling rabid on this Tuesday morning

[Panko A. Cat’s Mom @fatfatpankocat]

Hello down there

[Tori 🦇🔪☠️ @tormander20]

Me pretending to laugh at your joke during the vampire party