kaefer

gay trans man and father, he/him, CPTSD

I may not understand subtext. Please talk directly.

Topics: LGBTQIA+, parenthood, mental health, sex

[kaefer @trans_kaefer]

@MavenOfMayhem I am a gay trans man. My son has two biological fathers.
Strangers(!) often ask him, where his mother is.

He answers truly "I don't have a mother anymore"
They ask no further after that.

[kaefer @trans_kaefer]

@dreamsofskies That is excellent advice, thank you!

[kaefer @trans_kaefer]

tl;dr Learnings

1. It is often your self-image, your identification with your own limits that hold you back. If you believe you cannot improve, it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

2. Substantial improvement is done with consistent but tiny steps at a time.

[kaefer @trans_kaefer]

CN: conversation skills

I was always bad at reading people, conversing with them and listening. I thought this was unchangeable because that's who I am

Turns out I was wrong.
I was convinced by a board game.

[kaefer @trans_kaefer]

The greatest compliment however was a friend telling me just yesterday

"Thank you that you are so sensitive to other people, this is one of your best qualities"

That is when I looked back and thought, oh my, this actually worked!

[Queer Erleben @queerErleben]

Hi, ich bin Seepferdchenpapa, mit anderen Worten, ein trans Mann, der gerade im 9. Monat schwanger ist.
Ich darf diesen Account einige Tage übernehmen, danke! /spp

[kaefer @trans_kaefer]

@AsurianCookie Meist wurde ich vorher gefragt, ob eine Einladung okay ist. Wenn ich kein Wiedersehen möchte, lehne ich das ab.

[kaefer @trans_kaefer]

@AsurianCookie Bislang hab ich das nicht vorher abgeklärt, aber als Signal genutzt, dass ich die andere Person wieder sehen möchte. Und andersrum als solches Signal verstanden. Ansonsten war der Default ein Teilen der Rechnung.

Kontext war Dating via Tinder über zwei Jahre lang.

[kaefer @trans_kaefer]

@ZevMir Yes

[kaefer @trans_kaefer]

Just as any relationship, a caregiving relationship with a child takes work and time.

But unlike having a partner, you are not entitled to get anything out of it, because it is not an equal power relationship.

The child has no choice than to put up with you.

[kaefer @trans_kaefer]

CN: gay dating with child

When you are dating gay men and have a child, one thing that's really annoying:

Many only wanted me for my child. Because that was an easy way to have a family.

[kaefer @trans_kaefer]

My husband was not focused on my child when I got to know him.

He did not have any expectations but at the same time was willing to take his part of responsibility in the family.
He accepts that my child is mainly emotionally attached to me.

That is the ideal situation.

[kaefer @trans_kaefer]

@MayaMitKind Selbst mein Kind bekommt das hin.

[kaefer @trans_kaefer]

I am anxious that one day there will be a shortage of T. I wonder if I should have kept my ovaries for that.

There is no legal possibility in Germany to keep some T extra.

Do you think such shortage would be a real possibility?