tristan eyles

[Jurassic Park Updates @JurassicPark2go]

the tiger king is popping off again. he got out of prison and we hired him to pick kids up by the hips and put them next to the t. rex’s face for photos

[John Cleese @JohnCleese]

Let's bite the legs off of May and the rest of 2020! @montypython #johncleese #montypython #theblackknight #2020

[Dai Lama @WelshDalaiLama]

Just gave @QantasWallabies this yoghurt that went off 2 days ago. Now they finally have some culture. #CrushTheCrims

[Kevin Bacon @kevinbacon]

“@lauralittlelegs: @kevinbacon Would you rather be a Pirate or a Ninja? #randomtweet xoxo”RT Aaarrrg! I can't decide!

[Dai Lama @WelshDalaiLama]

Not sure why @johngault40 hates the Welsh so much. If it's because of that time I didn't phone your mum back: sorry, she used too much teeth

[Football Posts ™️ @TopFBPosts]

#GrandTheftAutoMemories banging a hooker in my car, shooting her to get my money back, then going home to play Grand Theft Auto.

[Dai Lama @WelshDalaiLama]

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. This will be my defence if I ever get done for credit card fraud.

[Dai Lama @WelshDalaiLama]

Heard a rumour that to celebrate Chris Ashton's attempts to tackle George North, the WRU are going to sell a limited edition flyswatter.

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

"How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as a choir boy" Kev.
#Derek

[Dai Lama @WelshDalaiLama]

8 months in jail for Huhne and Pryce. Wow. Wonder if Chris Huhne will find someone to take his prison bummings for him...

[Dai Lama @WelshDalaiLama]

Bieber: "I'll never come back to the UK". Someone send a solicitor to get that in writing IMMEDIATELY.

[Dai Lama @WelshDalaiLama]

.@RAC_Breakdown Does your breakdown cover include chariots? Some people in Twickenham want to know...

[Dai Lama @WelshDalaiLama]

Typical. Tight Scottish couldn't even afford the band for the second verse, mun. #ScoWal #6nations #stereotypes

[Dai Lama @WelshDalaiLama]

Justin Bieber threatening a photographer is funny. That little gimp couldn't win a fight with the camera, never mind the bloke carrying it.

[Dai Lama @WelshDalaiLama]

I'm sat beneath Edinburgh Castle with a projector. #BangUpForIt

[Dai Lama @WelshDalaiLama]

Bloody hell. Must be like the chest burster scene from Alien. RT @paddypower It's Shaq's girlfriend I feel sorry for

[Dai Lama @WelshDalaiLama]

When science finds a way to harness the power of anger, tapping Alex Ferguson will solve the global energy crisis. #PuceFacedWonder

[Dai Lama @WelshDalaiLama]

The Pope is praying he doesn't get a rubbish leaving present. Like socks, or a tie rack, or a knock on the door from Operation Yewtree.

[Dai Lama @WelshDalaiLama]

To paraphrase Beyonce: All the single ladies, all the single ladies... meals for one, AA batteries and cat food are all on offer at Tesco

[Dai Lama @WelshDalaiLama]

Heres a blessing for the lonely men who can't even crack one off tonight because they used up all the tissues crying #ForwardPlanning #NosDa