Trey Smith

The most diabolical hater this side of the Mississippi

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

Everybody asks where’s Waldo, but nobody ever asks who he’s hiding from…

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

Never understood why lactose intolerant people have to be so dramatic. Literally just tolerate it

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

I can’t explain why, but Mexican restaurants with murals of agave farmers have better food than the ones with murals of Aztec warriors

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

You can spend all day searching for a needle in a haystack, or you could tell meemaw to stop sewing in a pasture and never have to worry about it in the first place

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

I can understand the first two wise men bringing gold and myrrh as gifts, but why the heck did that third one bring Frankenstein along

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

Surely archaeologists are aware it’s more efficient to dig out artifacts with a shovel than with the world’s smallest paintbrush

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

The Promised Land may be flowing with milk and honey, but Mississippi is flowing with sweet tea and buckets of fried chicken

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

How to know you peaked in college:
You have “[insert college] alum” in your instagram bio

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

The only thing magic regarding Disney World is how fast I’ll unfollow you on social media if you post daily photo updates while there

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

It appears the only requirement to have a highway overpass memorialized in your honor is a ridiculously long name

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

The preacher man says you gotta walk in someone else’s shoes to get their perspective, but all I ever got was athlete’s foot

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

Just once I’d like to eat breakfast at a hotel without having to fight half a dozen homeschooled kids hogging the waffle iron

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

The streets better look both ways before crossing me

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

Has anyone considered solving the Bermuda Triangle with the Pythagorean theorem?

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

It ain’t an essential oil unless the label says Crisco

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

Still can’t believe Eisenhower established the interstate highway just to efficiently connect every Cracker Barrel

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

If carbon dating is true, we can logically conclude there are also carbon atoms stuck in the friendzone

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

All of my near-death driving experiences have coincidentally occurred while Mötley Crüe is on the radio

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

I’ve been trying to use a ouija board to communicate with Alexander the Great, but his response is all Greek to me

[Trey Smith @trey_smith4]

Who’s teaching these Cajuns to talk? The Tasmanian devil??