Truersound

Switching it over to AM.

[Truersound @trueraound]

Today’s my birthday, and ya know what? Imma treat myself to a whole birthday cake from Krogers. Growl at anyone who thinks I”m sharing.

[Truersound @trueraound]

Really kinda bummed about this whole Duck Dynasty mess. I just started advertising my Phil impersonator services for kids birthday parties.

[Truersound @trueraound]

Call Mr. Plow, that’s my name. That name again is Mr. Plow.

[Truersound @trueraound]

Been to a lot of farmer’s markets. Lemme tell ya, farmer’s daughters aren’t what the folk songs make them out to be.

[Truersound @trueraound]

Things I should take: 1. an umbrella 2. less viagra before work.

[Truersound @trueraound]

Got caught out in this crazy thunderstorm. Good news is my erection lasting more than four hours finally went away.

[Truersound @trueraound]

I don’t know, what do you want to eat? dot tumblr dot com

[Truersound @trueraound]

I think I’m going to go on a cleanse, where I only eat what people on twitter tell me to eat. Gonna start a tumblr. What’s for lunch, guys?

[Truersound @trueraound]

If a doctor ever gives me like 6 months to live, I’m going to steal a firetruck and joyride the fuck out of it. Spray the hose at people.

[Truersound @trueraound]

Did you guys know Game of Thrones has lots of boobs in it? Great television.

[Truersound @trueraound]

@philnorman Totally into that if it was PBR instead.

[Truersound @trueraound]

Oh, man, a 28-gallon bottle of scotch. Only $7,000. I’ve got $23 and change. Anybody want to go in on it with me? http://t.co/jqDzmQDctL

[Truersound @trueraound]

What’s the biggest jug of bourbon you can get? I want like a 5-gallon paint bucket. Maybe at Sam’s Club or Costco?

[Truersound @trueraound]

A fuck-buddy would be awesome, but I’ll take a get-drunk-and-snuggle buddy. No dudes, though. Ew.

[Truersound @trueraound]

Anybody wanna go halfsies on a big-ass jug of bourbon and just forget today ever happened?

[Truersound @trueraound]

@popa2unes @benissocool I’ll have you know that my mini-minions are very well-trained and well-mannered, thank you very much.

[Truersound @trueraound]

@popa2unes @benissocool @DadBoner Wasn’t me. I’m on a strict diet of Snak Paks and tacos.

[Truersound @trueraound]

MY NUTS ARE IN DEMAND, Y’ALL. “@dammitamy: @trueraound exactly what I was looking for!”

[amy @dammitamy]

@trueraound FUCK YES SHOW ME YOUR NUTS. YOUR OTHER NUTS.

[Truersound @trueraound]

@dammitamy Sure thing, lady. http://t.co/zqnY8CHEDr