Tristan Smith

Dreamer, Enigmatic, Food Eater

[Tristan Smith @trystendsmyth]

@Frigidaire your AC isn't turning on just as the weather is warming up. When I called for support, I spent 45 minutes on hold before the "investigating agent" hung up on me. Looks like I won't be buying your products anymore! #badcustomerservice

[Tristan Smith @trystendsmyth]

Hindsight is 2020 #HappyNewYear2021

[Tristan Smith @trystendsmyth]

I joined Twitter 10 years ago, and since then, I've tweeted what most people do in a month! #MyTwitterAnniversary

[Tristan Smith @trystendsmyth]

Sing like no one is listening. Dance like nobody is watching. The NSA probably is, though. #inspirational #bigbrother

[Tristan Smith @trystendsmyth]

I think it's important to think outside the box - into another, adjacent box #inspiration #box

[collin @guyschoiceaward]

HELP ME PLEASE. COORS FIELD NEEDS AN ORGANIST

[Tristan Smith @trystendsmyth]

@Boabbysam @TheDemocrats Wow. You need to read a history book. Even if that was true, the parties switched platforms between 1860 and 1936, so 1860 Democrats are modern day Republicans. You just shit on yourself. #RedWaveIsPeriodBlood

[Patrick Holbert @itsPatrickH]

#MANHATTAN ‼️ 👋😎 #STANDUP 🎤#COMEDY 🤩 #ThursdayNight (🔜) at 8:30pm at @thevspot w/ the funniest comics in #NYC❗️😂🤣Come laugh & enjoy #healthy food & great beers and wine 🍺🍷See you tomorrow in the #EastVillage 🎉 💥 😍 #free show, great #datenight spot!!

[Patrick Holbert @itsPatrickH]

#MANHATTAN ‼️ 👋😎 #STANDUP 🎤#COMEDY 🤩 #Tonight (🔜) at 8:30pm at @thevspotrestaurant w/ the funniest comics in #NYC❗️😂🤣Come laugh & enjoy #healthy food & great beers and wine 🍺🍷See you soon in the #EastVillage 🎉 💥 😍 #free show, great #datenight spot

[Patrick Holbert @itsPatrickH]

#FREE #standup #comedy in #NYC #tonight !!! We've got such a high quality lineup for you in the East Village at @thevspot restaurant all the way in the Backroom, a super hip comedy space perfect for a few drinks and some laughs. 8:30!

[Tristan Smith @trystendsmyth]

The sadder Tom Brady gets, the happier I am #SuperBowlLII #GoEagles

[Tristan Smith @trystendsmyth]

During a Superbowl break, nothing played for 12 seconds. I've never seen 2 million dollars of darkness before #SuperBowlLII #Commercials

[Patrick Holbert @itsPatrickH]

Loved this #podcast with the great @JasonTSalmon, check it out! He gave @trystendsmyth and I lots of great tips for being funny on set and in auditions https://t.co/iiEN2IDw1D

[Tristan Smith @trystendsmyth]

If @Oprah ends up running for president against @realDonaldTrump , reality will officially be a poorly written 90's movie #Oprah2020 #YouGetACarAndYouGetACar

[Tristan Smith @trystendsmyth]

Crocodile tears are false, but @blackmirror "crocodile" made me cry for real. Beautiful cinematography, absolute gut punch of a story #thefeels #brainbleach #needpuppies

[Patrick Holbert @itsPatrickH]

Thank you @kevinbrennan666 for podcasting with us at The Comic's Table!! Piss, vinegar, raisin bread, perfection. https://t.co/Cfw1rNfZy6

[Tristan Smith @trystendsmyth]

To 8 years of intense procrastination #MyTwitterAnniversary

[Tristan Smith @trystendsmyth]

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to covfefe" ~ Mark Twain #misquotes #quotesforlife

[Tristan Smith @trystendsmyth]

James Comey was fired by the very president he helped elect. I wonder if he found out via email #likerainonyourweddingday

[Tristan Smith @trystendsmyth]

@thehill FCC: the government agency for Fickle Crying Children #doublestandards