Tess Smith

aight imma head out

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

have you guys tried passing go to collect $200? the transports are also a good place to check real sleeper properties imo

[Pop Crave @PopCrave]

New photos of the UnitedHealthcare CEO assassin suspect and his backpack, which had Monopoly money and a jacket inside.

The FBI is offering a $50k reward for information — it’s believed he went on foot at Columbus Avenue and West 86th Street and got a taxi, taking him north to the George Washington Bridge Bus Station where he supposedly left NYC.

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

is it possible to climb back up the coconut tree? the context in which i live is kinda scary

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

uber driver: "well my ex is an escort so she's got thousands of hours of footage"

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

my boyfriend is talking to the uber driver about cialysis who *for some reason* knows a lot about the blue pill. i haven't spoken in 10 minutes but they're now talking about weird al yankovic

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

uber driver: "that's why i could never enjoy cocaine as a youngster"

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

suddenly it's a crime to walk with a little whimsy???

[eve @farrckh]

literally why did he do this

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

@Jbradshaw56 jackson please go touch some grass

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

@Naturalcauses3 @probioticprince ok narc we know what team you play for let the man cook

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

see when people say "i'm pro life" what they really mean is "i'm fine with women and children dying as long as they're not in the womb"

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

@bhig_gn hi are you still selling them??

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

if anyone is selling two tickets to the 1975 concert in philly let me know cause i fought for my life and lost it in the queue somewhere #the1975 #the1975philly #the1975tickets

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

she works at the kunty krab

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

i may never say i do but i will always say yes and

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

riffing with the uber driver>>>

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

i piss in bulk

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

just got off a hungover 8 hour barista shift, feelin like i might strangle the next person i see, get in my lyft, and my driver goes "girl you smell like bud"

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

@katya_zamo you haven't lived til you've seen the miniature rooms there

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

i have honk shoo honk shoo'ed too close to the sun what day is it and where are my pants

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

@cheesecreamnut is the fact that i would miss you one of them?🥺

[Tess Smith @tsmith5501]

the man who sold me my vape just told me i look exhausted so i will be taking a hiatus from living for a while thank you for your understanding at this difficult time