Greg Tuculescu

Former EP @DrunkHistory. Acting credits include Bridesmaids, The Office, and Curb. Reader of easy books.

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

Summer before 3rd grade I was at the Black Sea in Romania. I saw a piece of driftwood floating in the water and swam for it. Another kid beat me to it and when he held it up it melted in his hand because it was poop.

I laughed and he threw the poop into my open mouth. https://t.co/AnhAL1TDZT

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

Lately IG ads seem very worried about plastic touching my balls

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

In a debate a hurricane of lies will always beat slowly deflating bagpipes. #DebateNight

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

Remember when people thought the future was gonna awesome? When did that change?

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

@BenjaminJS Ryan Gillis is the best! If you both worked on this its gotta be great.

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

Sign up for my new course!

https://t.co/PWdy3mvaRq

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

This Course Will Transform You Into The Kind Of Person... Who Gives Me Y... https://t.co/PWdy3mvaRq via @YouTube

[Paul Horn @HornStrength]

People hate change.

When you tell a friend or family member that you’re going to start strength training, they will likely say,

“You’re going to hurt yourself lifting heavy weights like that.”

They are being selfish. They are not concerned about you. 🧵

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

@BenjaminJS A fully sentient poop joke machine

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

My daughter drew a pupusa and when I asked her what was inside she said “poop.” She drew a poo-poo pupusa

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

The entire “gig economy” is an end run around a century of hard-fought labor laws

[Alex Fernie @FernieCommaAlex]

This is absolute bullshit.

https://t.co/uaRBzQD4Fz

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

Tell us you failed English without telling us you failed English

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

My pronouns are Prosecute/Fauci

[Classical Studies Memes @CSMFHT]

Now this one is gonna cause fights

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

“Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio” sounds like a @mcsweeneys title

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

I am always swayed by the thousands of political fliers I get in my mailbox that I read front to back

[Brendon Walsh @brendonwalsh]

Vote “No” on California’s prop 27 because it could turn your child’s handheld porno machine into a gambling device! #CAprop27

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

I’ve generated over $1 billion in sales using this ONE strategy.

It’s called lying

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

I only vote for election deniers and will only fly with pilots who are flat earthers

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

@gregorcorp Or the one where my uncle warns my family about brain-eating amoebas in U. S. lakes

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

@BethyBSQU He was on tour and did a show in New Brunswick, NJ. Some friends and I went to the show and found out he had no where to stay for the night, so we offered our place. He accepted and then pooped himself on our couch during the night. Super nice guy though.

[Greg Tuculescu @tuculescu]

@BethyBSQU Wesley slept at my place once in college.