Emily

occasional mathematician, full-time idiot.
I laugh at myself so you don't have to.

[Emily @twerkmasta500]

When my roommate was sleeping before her final I dug out all the cookie dough chunks from our shared ice cream I think I was born wrong

[Emily @twerkmasta500]

@IceCreamIsaak @VNSSAmusic @Themidwaysf @blackbookrecs do you still have one? trying to introduce my friend to the wonderful world of tech house

[Emily @twerkmasta500]

@FE_Heroes_EN is this being offered rn? not showing in my orb pack options (running most recent version of Android app)

[Blame The Audience! @BlameAudience]

@EmmaVigeland "Is that a guillotine ?"

[Jacqueline Alemany @JaxAlemany]

Page: Do you believe climate change poses an existential threat?

Pence: "As I said, Susan the climate is changing, we'll follow the science."

Here's a comprehensive list of Trump administration's 100+ attacks on science: https://t.co/xnX0de4Ezm

[Ariel Dumas @ArielDumas]

Dairy Queen employee accused of shitting in the soft serve machine has 71 incidents of shitting in the soft serve machine on file.

[Emily @twerkmasta500]

couldn't find the artist, but wow

[parker @momappreciator]

1 in 13 black americans that have lost their right to vote due to felony convictions as part of systemic racism in the justice system. so before you say to “take your anger to the voting booth” just know not everyone has a voice there.

[Gabrielle Union @itsgabrielleu]

I've never met anyone who was worried about being CALLED a racist, who didn't harbor racist beliefs. What racist people DONT want, is to face CONSEQUENCES for their racism. Fun fact, don't start none, won't be none. Don't wanna be called a racist? Dont do racist shit.

[Emily @twerkmasta500]

Today I slept through a mtg, got called out by a concerned authority figure & ate 1400cal of snacks while alternating btwn staring at work and wasting time on ig. Anyone who says that college ends after gradiation is feeding u LIMITING THOUGHTS and should be CANCELED FROM UR LIFE

[Emily @twerkmasta500]

fyi

[Emily @twerkmasta500]

it seems that no one has claimed my high school twitter handle, so I have changed it back. hello all

[NOT A WOLF @SICKOFWOLVES]

I HATE BEING QUARANTINED

STUCK IN ONE STUPID BUILDING ALL THE TIME

I WOULD RATHER GO BETWEEN THE SAME TWO OR THREE BUILDINGS REPEATEDLY DOING THE SAME ACTIVITIES IN AN ALMOST IDENTICAL ORDER

NOW THATS LIVING

[Shahed Amanullah @shahed]

yes I know the VP doesn't swear in members of Congress but it is much funnier this way

[Shahed Amanullah @shahed]

If you feel sad today, just imagine Mike Pence swearing 2 women into Congress with the Qur'an

[Rachel Held Evans (1981-2019) @rachelheldevans]

The same religious leaders who told me as a teenager that premarital sex was a grave sin that would ruin my life forever have declared that no one can fault a 17-year-old boy for a little attempted rape.

[Emily @twerkmasta500]

@realDonaldTrump a great example of how to do the absolute least

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

John McCain was many things – a proud graduate of the Naval Academy, a Senate colleague, a political opponent.

But, to me, more than anything, John was a friend. He will be missed dearly.

[Emily @twerkmasta500]

wow so glad to see my work recognized by one of the greats

[Emily @twerkmasta500]

@priscillagbell I highly recommend Club de Cuervos on Netflix for a post world cup soccer fix!! According to my Mexican friends it's pretty true to how they speak as well

[Emily @twerkmasta500]

lmao my bf was late on our 6 months and ordered me an apology cake from Japan & wrote "+e" for the error term since we both studied engineering and I'm dead