Waldemar Berenguer

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

I consider myself neutral, I’m not antibiotic nor probiotic, I think there’s room for all of us

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

Look I don’t purport to know much about baseball but I want CJ Abrams to be a part of the team I love so I hope he’s not traded #Natitude

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

Idiom Committee Meeting

Member 1: How about this: if you snooze, you forfeit any chance of victory

Member 2: That’s perfect!

Member 3: Wait, I think we can do better

Member 2: Let’s revisit it later

Member 1: No, if we wait too long to address it, we’ll lose

Member 3: Woah

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

Me, putting my clothes back on: Well, that was fun! What are you up to the rest of the week

World Cup: Yeah listen, Walter

Me: It’s Waldo

World Cup: Right… I’ll uh, I’ll call you

Me: Great! My number is 240…

World Cup, walking out the door: Yeah, got it

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

Me: I can’t wait to see you tonight and tomorrow night!

World Cup: Yeah! Well not at night…

Me: What do you mean?

World Cup: We can hang out at 2pm both days!

Me: But everyone is working at that time…

World Cup:…

Me, starting to sob: Are you ashamed to be seen with me?

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

Me, sobbing and blowing my nose: So, you don’t want to hang out today?

The World Cup: Can’t I have a day to myself? I’ll be back tomorrow I promise

Me: You had four years to yourself, but I guess that’s not enough, huh?

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

I read you like a book and by that I mean I lied about how long it took me to finish it because I was embarrassed

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

My daughter wanted a “little, tiny big balloon” and I didn’t know how to fulfill that request so I bought her ice cream #parenting

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

It’s hard to trust anything you see these days. At this point I’m not even sure there were 101 Dalmatians in that one movie

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

#IWannaWinOnThePodcast we’ve all been there, Bish @JunksRadio #TBT

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

This Croatian goalie is having the game of his life but no one is going to care because they’re down 3-2 but it should be 6-2 #WorldCup

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

Returning to the scene of the crime as most criminals often do (I jaywalked here once)

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

Shoutout to all the MLB players that start improving as soon as I cut them from my fantasy team, whatever I can do to help, fellas! (My team is in last place and I hate myself)

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

Sorry if it’s uncouth to bring this up publicly but do we know what’s up with Donald Duck’s voice?

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

Might need a cigarette after game 1 there, what a doozy #StanleyCup

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

My phone keeps autocorrecting “that’s” to “thats” and “maybe” to “mahbe”, I’m not sure where our relationship went wrong but I am publicly stating that I’m sorry and I want us to go back to the way we were

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

#CousinRondaForFifthMic @JunksRadio

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

Realizing I could vastly improve my half marathon time if I trained properly, or if I drive

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

Wemby just took a 40 footer and drilled it what are we doing here #NBAPlayoffs

[Waldemar Berenguer @umiguessso]

PARENTING TIP: your toddlers are going to sing lyrics wrong, do not try to correct them, just pray through it. Had to remind myself that God is awesome when my daughter sang if you’re happy and you know it clap your feet