Michaela Lassig

Human female. Views are rented.

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

What do you get when you cross The Handmaiden with The Hunger Games? The U.S. in 2022.

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

It’s wild to see all these photos of the famous and rich from The Capitol at the hunger games I mean Met Gala.

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

Hot take: @elonmusk is Gen Alpha’s Donald Trump.

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

I was just thinking about how I wish my therapist was my age so that we could grow old together

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

Sex is great but have you ever found an in-network therapist who is currently taking on new clients?!

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

“It’s the damn supply chain shortage” is the new “mercury is in retrograde” excuse

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

My parents made me play clarinet for so many years that they ruined popsicles for me.

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

@BrandSanderson OMGGGGGGG

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

Moving to Seattle and the thing I’m most excited about is that tracks can be easily washed away 7 months of the year lolol

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

I’m starting a petition on https://t.co/49qwB073cM to change ‘bullet points’ into ‘hope dots’.

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

Revenge body is when your body takes revenge on you cuz you treated it like shit, right?

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

@ABasrur Ooooh that’s a good one. And it aged pretty well...BUT they’re fighting against the patriarchy by taking ownership over their sexuality and capitalizing on the male gaze 😂

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

Name a ‘chick flick’ where the girls don’t betray each other OR one where the girls aren’t United to fight the patriarchy in some form. I’ll go first.............. ........... .

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

If penises could be used as q-tips there would be a lot more women having orgasms.

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

@ashbitchen How’s grad school going? 😂

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

I researched for 3 days to find the best ergonomic chair with modern design and good ratings for a little birthday treat yo self moment 💁🏻‍♀️ #35andbarelyalive

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

The oscars 2021 = virtue signaling
BUT WEIRDLY ALSO
Me eating a banana = virtue signaling

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

Is getting people to trust you just a socially acceptable form of virtue signaling? #Showerthoughts

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

I’m ready for the next gorilla glue girl type of distraction kthanksbye

[Michaela Lassig @unfunnymichaela]

I think I’m sexually attracted to melted cheese. Am I in or out of the zeitgeist?