Jason Mxyzptlk

A sardonic & pugnacious curmudgeon who couldn't care less about followers, following, likes, RTs, DMs, et cetera. Not sorry.

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

My tweets have an intended audience of one. The fact others may enjoy, like, retweet, or comment on them is only a welcomed coincidence.

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@Jane_Doe82 Obligatory apparel post... 😁😉

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@jurassicjells Well... remember the whole Falkland Islands kerfuffle thing back in the 80s?

Yeah, so "if" Argentina wins this match... repeat the Falklands (...the British won that one)

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@Jane_Doe82 "Well, Timmy... let's throw you down the well where the humidity is higher and see how irritable you get... especially since Lassie ain't coming."

File under "things thought, not said/done."

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@HarrisonSmith85 @Wook316 To be fair, only the opening 125 mins are terrible.

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@jurassicjells Is he a Toy 'R Us kid?

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@jurassicjells They don't listen because the moth has already captured them and brought them to mushroom island.

So yeah, I think your gummy may have kicked in.

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@iamAtheistGirl I see someone drinks heavily with the cactus juice... "Nothing’s quenchier! It’s the quenchiest!"

[Ladyofyourlife @orleansway]

😂😂😂😂😂😂💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@jurassicjells Yup.... you have a teen

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

"We close in an hour due to the holiday."

[Repeated at 30-min, 15-min, 10-min until closing]

(At 5-min 'til)

"Please start wrapping up and making your way to the door. Please enjoy the rest of the holiday."

(And then immediately was asked...)

"What time do you close?"

😐

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@iamAtheistGirl Yeesh! at some of the replies.

Yup, we, as a country, are that snotty brat at Target in comparison to world history. And yes, I'm thinking of the infamous TOMT story on Reddit.

[Manda Skeptically 🦾🥦🏳️‍🌈 @ShutUpAmanda]

It’d be cool if nature did it’s thing on #4thOfJuly.

A TRUE Independence Day.

But… I dream…

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@caseymicheller Someone wants attention though. 🐈‍⬛

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@Wook316 I remember. The whole situation was bananas.

But not as bananas that all the loops in Froot Loops being the same flavor.

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@ShutUpAmanda @GOP This is as shocking as the report that Mrs Ghoul was as disliked in college as her husband Mr Ghoul was in high school.

You've probably already figured out who the Ghouls are with that alone.

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@Jane_Doe82 Around here they start up about the same time, and end about October.

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@bunsenbernerbmd Beaker doing Beaker things... so digging hole number 7,243,596.

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@Jane_Doe82 "But it's a dry heat" 😝

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@jurassicjells Which rule though? The actual written one, or the Messi Rule? 🤭

[Jason Mxyzptlk @unkiejayjay]

@VexingVixxen Such an important speech should be preceded by carbo-loading with no less than three Big Macs... with bacon. No... extra bacon.