d

smut peddler // emotionless gargoyle // aspiring @tacobell hot sauce packet writer // bad with doors

[d @urbeardtho]

Can you cough in my face?

[Jezebel @Jezebel]

Woman with rare medical condition unable to hear men's voices https://t.co/c15GtM1lR6

[d @urbeardtho]

Literally none of the UCLA staff knew what to do about homie’s tooth flying out. #MarchMadness

[d @urbeardtho]

I have way too nice of a butt for it to almost always be plagued by one single random pimple.

[d @urbeardtho]

Too many people out here on Forensic Files getting hella stabbed with their own knives, this is why I keep mine dull AF.

[d @urbeardtho]

Happy Valentine’s Day to the man who left his credit card information on my Amazon account. 🥰

[d @urbeardtho]

Soooo many ugly ass NFL uniforms this year, my lanta.

[d @urbeardtho]

“The Colonel lived so we could chicken” is a commercial slogan that is currently haunting me, plz do something @kfc.

[d @urbeardtho]

I’ll be sitting here watching the saddest commercial I’ve ever seen in my life and at the end of it you realize they’re just trying to sell you a fucking Subaru.

[d @urbeardtho]

This Indiana team is full of fucking dorks.

[d @urbeardtho]

Someone tell me not to immediately buy everything from the @tacobell x @HollisterCo collab line.

[d @urbeardtho]

Nearly vomited watching this Bears game!

[d @urbeardtho]

No longer need to eat actual food because I will now be subsisting only on the fact that someone walked up to me and told me I remind them of Rosamund Pike in GONE GIRL yesterday.

[d @urbeardtho]

Hey @JackBox I am convinced your monster mozzarella stick is a myth because every time I try to order it with my Monster Munchie Meal they give me an egg roll instead. 🥺🥺🥺🥺

[d @urbeardtho]

These Steelers uniforms might be the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

[d @urbeardtho]

My love language is making people food but it often gets confused for my hate language because I’m so bad at cooking.

[d @urbeardtho]

The orange cream freeze from @tacobell is very good! Thank you, king.

[d @urbeardtho]

The 2-2 Chicago Bears

[d @urbeardtho]

Mike Tomlin lookin’ extra snacky in the motherland.

[d @urbeardtho]

@GeoffAgain I did fear that this tweet would piss you off.

[d @urbeardtho]

Ohhhh the Oregon coach is hot!!

[d @urbeardtho]

Still haunted by the time I ordered a not insignificant amount of Taco Bell for myself because ya girl was hungry and those fools gave me EIGHT sporks.