Ursula

Well, actually, I’m 5’11, so…

[Ursula @ursamajorloser]

Does Gwyneth Paltrow not count as a woman??

[Ursula @ursamajorloser]

On day 2? Okay UHaul pope.

[stinkee @eli_smeeli]

(pingu unhooking your bra) NOOT NOOT

[Ursula @ursamajorloser]

@DJ_Bean Agreed, as long as they’re completely new songs. I cannot support “Santa Buddy” or any more Christmas parodies… as a senior in hs I was coerced into doing a holiday covid safety PSA to the tune of “Baby it’s Cold Outside” … “Baby, it’s Covid Times” haunts me to this day.

[Ursula @ursamajorloser]

ADHD is just living paycheck to paycheck but the paycheck is dopamine

[Ursula @ursamajorloser]

Used to be able to call a henchman a goon. But now you can’t. Because of Anne Hathaway.

[Ursula @ursamajorloser]

ACAB except Officer Buckle and his dog Gloria

[Ursula @ursamajorloser]

Pink Whitney is just a poor man’s limoncello

[Ursula @ursamajorloser]

@eli_reville BEAST

[Ursula @ursamajorloser]

Me: I got that dog in me
That dog: I got that bone in me

[Ursula @ursamajorloser]

She slaughter on my beach till i dog

[Will Malloy @will_malloy_]

“sometimes there’s just random things places. in the fish world. fish just go places sometimes” — @eli_reville

[stinkee @eli_smeeli]

curse of the future: every time you sleep while someone else is in the room you sleep talk and it’s gossip about them

[Ursula @ursamajorloser]

@charliekellyfan @VinMan17 TRUE

[Ursula @ursamajorloser]

“white people don’t have culture” okay why am i crying while watching ted lasso them?

[Ursula @ursamajorloser]

@mckennacouch you already did friday night i think you got it out of your system

[Thomas Carrieri @Thomas_Carrieri]

I'm fighting for my life.

[Ursula @ursamajorloser]

@eli_reville fuck bro you’re right

[Ursula @ursamajorloser]

succession but instead of who’s going to be CEO it’s my family fighting over who’s getting our family friend’s 2 bruins playoff game 7 tickets

[Ursula @ursamajorloser]

@giardino_david this is why we broke up